Being a parent can be a life-changing experience. When those two lines appear in a pregnancy test, a new chapter is opened, not only for the child on the way but also for the parents to be.
During pregnancy, we tend to think about physical health. We eat the right foods, attend prenatal appointments and avoid certain medications. What if we told you that the emotional well-being of both mums and dads during pregnancy could have a profound impact on their child’s development, even into toddlerhood? How Parental Happiness Shapes Toddler Moods.
This groundbreaking study shows that the emotional and behavioural health of parents can be used to predict behaviour and emotional problems in toddlers. This study highlights the often underappreciated link between parenting wellbeing and a child’s development. It could change our approach to supporting expectant families.
We’ll explore the findings of the study, their implications for future parents and how to create a supportive environment for families as they navigate the early stages of parenthood.
How Parental Happiness Shapes Toddler Moods
This study was conducted by a team of researchers from Cambridge, Birmingham New York and Leiden Universities. They followed 438 new parents for two years and checked in with them at 4, 14 and 24 months following the birth of their child. This study was unique because it took a holistic approach. Researchers did not just focus on the mental health of the mother, as they often do in similar studies. They also looked at the emotional well-being of both parents during the transition to parenthood.
Their findings are illuminating.
Researchers found that mothers with higher levels of anxiety and stress during pregnancy had more toddlers who displayed challenging behaviours, such as temper tantrums and restlessness. Some even reported signs of spitefulness. Parents of two-year-olds are likely to face these behavioural challenges, but the researchers found that they may have been set up much earlier than thought.
It doesn’t end there. It was also found that the quality of parents’ relationships played an important role in the emotional well-being of toddlers. If their parents had relationship problems shortly after childbirth, children were more likely to show emotional difficulties, such as being excessively worried, crying, afraid in new situations or clingy. They can range from general dissatisfaction in the relationship to more overt conflict, such as arguments and tension.
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What does this mean for expecting parents?
You might find it overwhelming if you are a new or expectant parent. Your mental health during pregnancy and your relationship with your partner can influence your child’s emotional life. It’s a big thought. Before you spiral into guilt or worry (a feeling that many new parents experience), let’s get to the important part.
This research was not intended to alarm, but to empower.
The reality is that expecting parents and new parents face one of the most emotional times in their lives. Sleep deprivation and hormonal changes are common, as is the stress of work and preparing for a newborn. This study highlights the need to support and acknowledge the emotional well-being of parents during pregnancy and after birth.
The Centre for Family Research at Cambridge’s Dr. Sarah Foley said, “We must make antenatal care more inclusive. We need to give parents who are first-time parents the tools to communicate and prepare them for the major transition ahead.”
The Emotional Domino Effect: How parental well-being shapes children
Why is it that parental emotional health has such a long-lasting effect on toddlers? Psychologists call this emotional sensitivity.
Even before they are born, babies are tuned into their parents’ emotional states. Although they may not be able to understand words, babies are very sensitive to the tone of voice, facial expressions and general emotional climate in their environment. When a parent is constantly anxious, irritable or emotionally withdrawn, it can send signals to the child that will influence how they feel in their environment.
Parents who are under stress or experiencing difficulties in their relationship with their children may show less patience, be less responsive, or have a greater emotional distance. This can gradually affect the way toddlers behave, deal with stress or manage their emotions.
This study confirms that fathers are just as important. The health of their relationship and their emotional well-being are both equally important in determining a child’s growth.
Rethinking support: It takes a village — Still
Professor Claire Hughes, lead author of the research, stated it succinctly but with great force: “Our findings point to the need for couples to receive earlier and more effective assistance to better prepare them for the transition from parenthood.”
In many countries, the antenatal, postnatal, and other support systems are overstretched. The maternity leave is usually too short. Mental health is underfunded. The focus of parenting classes is often on sleeping and feeding, but not on the emotional roller coaster that comes along with a newborn baby.
It is not enough to monitor physical health, but we must also consider emotional well-being. This means:
- Mental health screening for both mothers and fathers during prenatal visits.
- Offer relationship-focused support during antenatal classes.
- Normalising the emotional struggles that parents face and creating safe places to discuss them without shame.
- Access to affordable counselling or therapy is important, particularly during the perinatal phase.
We can help parents create stronger foundations for the future of their children by shifting from a reactive to a proactive approach.
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You’re not alone: Breaking the Silence around Parental Struggles
Isolation is one of the most difficult parts of being a parent who struggles emotionally. It seems like everyone has it all together when you look around. Social media is awash with happy baby photos, nursery tours and milestone updates. Many parents struggle with anxiety, postpartum depressive disorder, relationship stress, and a nagging sense that they are not doing things “right” behind closed doors.
This study serves as a gentle reminder to those who are struggling that they’re not alone and that seeking help doesn’t mean that you’ve failed. It’s a sign of love.
Love yourself. Love yourself. Love for your partner.
Your happiness is important. Your mental health is important. Your relationship is important. You are giving your child a gift when you care for yourself. It’s the gift of being emotionally present and supported.
What can parents do right now?
Change takes time, even though the ideal society would offer comprehensive and accessible support for every parent. As a new or expectant parent, you can do a few things to strengthen your relationship with your child and protect your emotional well-being.
- Check in with yourself regularly — How do you feel? What is overwhelming you? You can process your feelings by journaling or talking to a friend.
- Make open communication a priority with your partner. – Do not assume that your partner understands what you are feeling. Even short check-ins can help you maintain an emotional connection.
- Normalise the act of asking for help. Whether you are seeking support from friends, family or professionals, it is not a sign of weakness.
- Join a group of parents or a community. Talking with other parents who are going through similar experiences can be very validating.
- Seek professional help– Counsellors, therapists or support groups may be able to provide you with tools and strategies for coping that are tailored to your specific needs.
Parents Playing with Their Daughters in the Park
The Bottom Line
The new research highlights a truth many parents already know: emotions are contagious. Our emotional climate as parents affects not only us, but also our children.
We can view this pressure as an opportunity, rather than as a source of stress. Prioritising emotional wellbeing – ours, partner’s and family’s – lays the foundation not only for happier toddlers, but also more resilient and connected families.
The best gift we can give to our children in the end is not perfection.
It’s our presence.
Our patience.
And our willingness to take care of ourselves, so we can better take care of them.
You deserve support if you are a new or expectant parent who feels overwhelmed. You are doing much better than you imagine. You’re not on your own.
