10 Things that Change When You Become a Dad
It’s one of those life-changing experiences for which people always try to prepare, but never quite succeed. You’ve heard the stories, seen the pictures of babies, and probably attended a few parenting classes. You may have even read some baby books or listened to a podcast about parenting. Once that little human is born and in your arms, the reality of being a father hits you like a freight train.
What are the early months? It’s all a blur. It’s all a blur. The memories are muddled in a sleepless haze, with 2 a.m. bottle feedings and diaper changes. I can’t even remember the last time that I took a bath. It’s almost as if my life before children was a fantasy. I could watch whole movies, sleep on weekends, and leave home without a bag of snacks, wipes, and backup onesies.
Even with all the confusion, chaos, and coffee consumption, I still find fatherhood to be the most rewarding job that I have ever had. Let me warn you: things will change. Lots of changes. Some of the changes… are unexpected.
Here are ten things that have changed for me and probably for you as well since I became a father.
1. You Become Invisible
It hits you right at the birthing room. All eyes are on the mother and child from the moment labor starts. They are doing the hard work. Don’t be surprisedDadad, if suddenly you feel like an extra, even though you thought that you were the star of a movie.
You might feel as if you are wearing an invisible cloak. They check up on Mom and give everything to her. You? You are either a glorified “coffee runner” or just the “support person.”
The hospital is just the beginning. Family and friends visit, and they all want to see your baby. Some people will ask about Mom’s health. Fewer people will remember to ask you how you are doing. It’s nothing malicious, it’s just the way things are.
Take this as a warning to dads-to-be: Your moment in the limelight might only last a few seconds. Being invisible has its benefits. You can sneak a few extra treats at the hospital’s buffet. No one will know.
2. You Become Less Of A Man (Biologically)
A fun fact, supported by science, is that testosterone levels in men decrease after they become fathers. Yes, the hormone that is responsible for muscle growth, competitiveness, and “macho” ness takes a hit.
Why? Evolution. New dads are more attentive and nurturing when testosterone levels are lower. It’s like nature’s way of shifting your focus from “hunter-gatherer” to “diaper-changer-feeder-rocker.” You’re biologically wired to soften up and tune in.
This might initially mess up your identity. You might not feel as competitive, aggressive, or sharp. It’s a good thing. You begin to realize what’s important, and it isn’t about who can lift the most weight at the gym. It’s about who can calm a baby without waking up the other at 3 in the morning.
3. You Become a More Manly Person (Socioculturally)
Fatherhood also brings out a new kind of masculinity, one that will earn you respect in ways that you could never have imagined. You’re holding a baby out in the open? Strangers smile. Women smile (but I wasn’t looking). You’ll get that “aww, what a great dad” look. It’s a great confidence booster, whether they are admiring your parenting skills or ogling your baby.
Your partner may tease that everything is about the baby. She’s probably correct. Pushing a pram around the park may make you feel like a new dad.
4. You Can Get a Dad Body
The infamous Dad bod. Your body begins to change somewhere between exhaustion and irregular eating, as well as the physical strain of being a parent. Instead of going to the gym, you’re now taking your kids to the doctor. Your abs? They go into hiding under a soft layer of “I-did n’t-sleep-last-night” and “I-finished-my-kids mac and cheese”
You know what? Own it. You can be proud of your dad’s body. It’s a way to say, “I am here, I am active, and my priorities are bigger than six-pack abs.” Science also supports this. According to a study by Northwestern University, fathers gain, on average, a few extra pounds after having a baby. You are not alone. You are part of an extremely cuddly group.
5. Or You Might Lose Weight
Some dads, including myself, go the other way. Weight loss can be achieved by pacing at naps, carrying a 25-pound baby stroller, and making endless trips up and downstairs. This is especially true in the early months. I think that I lost 10 pounds by navigating the hills to the grocery store, running errands, and trying to calm a fussy child to sleep at midnight.
Parenting can be physically challenging. Try calming your baby at the witching hour by bouncing for 45 minutes on an exercise ball. You will get a good workout.
6. Many Important Things are Forgotten
Sleep deprivation is the main cause of “dad brain”, a lesser-known cousin to “mom’s brain”.
You will forget appointments, anniversaries, and where you parked your car. You may even forget why you went into the kitchen. Your brain is like a sponge that has already absorbed a lot and leaks out everything not baby-related.
What’s the good news? The good news? While this phase lasts, you should set up reminders and calendars to help you remember your in-laws’ names at Sunday dinner.
7. The Station Wagons are Starting to Look Sexy
Now, you can no longer daydream about Lamborghinis or Ducati motorcycles. Now? Now?
What do you think? It’s okay.
You’re priorities change. You’ll be more interested in a car with ISOFIX and a large trunk than one with gull-winged doors. You will start to get excited by features such as heated rear seats and stroller-friendly interiors. You’re welcome to the club.
8. You Get to Play Again
You get to relive your childhood by watching your children. It’s all part of the job description: building Lego cities, racing Hot Wheels cars, drawing dinosaurs, and having water balloon battles.
Some day, you may feel like you are being forced to play “the floor’s lava” 20 times in an hour. Other days, however, you will be excited to build a couch cushion fort.
It’s magical to watch your child experience joy and realize that you are a part of it.
9. Overprotectiveness is a Problem
You might have thought that you were pretty relaxed before you had children. You suddenly become a father, and everything becomes a danger.
What about that chipped corner of the coffee table??The death trap. What about the neighbor’s cat? Unregulated bacteria are a source. What if pedestrians are texting near your stroller while you’re pushing it? Menaces towards society.
Hypervigilance comes naturally. Your instinct to protect your children kicks in full force. You don’t need to cover your child with bubble wrap, but you may start seeing dangers in places that you didn’t notice before.
You are not paranoid, you’re a good dad.
10. Your Social Life Will Be Severely Affected
Let’s face it: Your idea of “going to the pub” will change dramatically. Those Friday night drinks? Bottle feeds and baths for babies have replaced Friday night drinks. Road trips on the spur of the moment? Ha! You can’t unless you pack as if you were preparing to go on an Antarctic expedition.
You will still visit places like the chemist’s, supermarket, baby clinic, ice cream shop, and playground. For a time, you might only go to those places.
What about that little person who turned your life upside down? The little person also made it richer, more profound, and meaningful. Your world suddenly feels smaller, fuller. As your child grows and as your routine settles, you will rediscover social life in a more child-friendly way.
Conclusion
Fatherhood is not easy. It is chaotic, noisy, exhausting, and messy. It’s also beautiful.
What are the changes I have gone through since I became a father? Each one of them has made me a better person, a stronger partner, and a more complete man. There are times when I miss my pre-dad days, but I wouldn’t change this experience for anything.
All the new dads or those who are soon to be fathers: buckle up. This is a wild ride. It’s a wild ride.
