Parenting at its finest: Mum’s must-read response when daughter calls her fat

allison kimmey and daughter

Being on the receiving end of a “fat” insult can leave us feeling pretty wounded. Inspiringly, this great mum turned what could have been an upsetting moment into something valuable that will permanently shape her children’s view of the world.

Glitter stripes

Body positivity and self-love advocate, Allison Kimmey, has some sensible and compassionate views when it comes to body image. She celebrates her own body joyfully and hopes others will do the same.

Allison created the BodiPosi Posse on Facebook, a group focusing on body positivity and she’s previously struck a chord with women when speaking with her curious pre-school aged daughter about the beauty of stretch marks:

Me: “Some of these stripes are from when I had you growing in my tummy.”
Her: *Looking inquisitively*
Me: “They are shiny and sparkly, aren’t they pretty?”
Her: “Yes, I like this one the best, it’s so glittery. When can I get some?”
Me: “Oh you will get your glitter stripes when you get a little bit older baby!”

Glitter stripes for the win!

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My daughter called me fat today. She was upset I made them get out of the pool and she told her brother that mama is fat. I told her to meet me upstairs so we could chat. Me: "what did you say about me?" Her: "I said you were fat, mama, im sorry" Me: "let's talk about it. The truth is, I am not fat. No one IS fat. It's not something you can BE. But I do HAVE fat. We ALL have fat. It protects our muscles and our bones and keeps our bodies going by providing us energy. Do you have fat?" Her: "yes! I have some here on my tummy" Me: "that's right! So do I and so does your brother!" Her brother: "I don't have any fat, I'm the skinniest, I just have muscles" Me: "actually everyone, every single person in the world has fat. But each of us has different amounts." Her brother: " oh right! I have some to protect my big muscles! But you have more than me" Me: "Yes, that's true. Some people have a lot, and others don't have very much. But that doesn't mean that one person is better than the other, do you both understand? Both: "yes, mama" Me: "so can you repeat what I said" Them: "yes! I shouldn't say someone is fat because you can't be just fat, but everyone HAS fat and it's okay to have different fat" Me: "exactly right!" Them: "can we go back to the pool now?" Me: no 🤣🤣 __________________ Each moment these topics come up i have to choose how I'm going to handle them. Fat is not a bad word in our house. If I shame my children for saying it then I am proving that it is an insulting word and I continue the stigma that being fat is unworthy, gross, comical and undesirable. Since we don't call people fat as an insult in my household, I have to assume she internalized this idea from somewhere or someone else. Our children are fed ideas from every angle, you have to understand that that WILL happen: at a friends house whose parents have different values, watching a tv show or movie, overhearing someone at school- ideas about body image are already filtering through their minds. It is our job to continue to be the loudest, most accepting, positive and CONSISTENT voice they hear. So that it can rise above the rest. Give me a 🙌🏻 if this resonated w u! Just do you! Xoxo Allie

A post shared by ALLIE 🌸 Just Do You, Babe! (@allisonkimmey) on

“My daughter called me fat today”

Recently Allison shared another relatable update, chatting about how she handled an incident where her daughter lashed out at her, after what should have been a minor disagreement.

Asked to hop out of the pool, the reluctant little girl angrily called her mum “fat”. 

“My daughter called me fat today,” Allison began, detailing the incident on Facebook. “I told her to meet me upstairs so we could chat.”

Allison sat both of her kids down, and calmly and thoughtfully reviewed what had just occurred: 

Me: “What did you say about me?”
Her: “I said you were fat, mama, I’m sorry.”
Me: “Let’s talk about it. The truth is, I am not fat. No one IS fat. It’s not something you can BE. But I do HAVE fat. We ALL have fat. It protects our muscles and our bones and keeps our bodies going by providing us energy. Do you have fat?”
Her: “Yes! I have some here on my tummy.”
Me: “That’s right!”

“Every single person in the world has fat”

Keen to join in, Allison’s son added his two-cents worth to their important chat.

Her brother: “I don’t have any fat, I’m the skinniest, I just have muscles.”
Me: “Actually everyone, every single person in the world has fat. But each of us has different amounts.”
Her brother: ” Oh right! I have some to protect my big muscles! But you have more than me.”
Me: “Yes, that’s true.”

The kids quickly realised that “fat” was not an insult to be thrown around, but something that’s part of every single body.

Me: “Some people have a lot, and others don’t have very much. But that doesn’t mean that one person is better than the other, do you both understand?
Both: “Yes, mama.”
Me: “So can you repeat what I said.”
Them: “Yes! I shouldn’t say someone is fat because you can’t be just fat, but everyone HAS fat and it’s okay to have different fat.”
Me: “Exactly right!”

While it’s true that some people happily identify as “fat”, this mum sees fat as just one element in a complex and excellent combination that maketh the human. She’s keen to pass her views onto her own children and banish “fat” as a label altogether.

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Hey babes!! It would be an understatement to say that I am overwhelmed by the level of amazing support @full_of_freckles_illustrations and I received yesterday with the announcement of our collaboration on the first children's publication in a series of body confidence books! I'm over the moon excited to share every step of this journey with you all! SO MANY of you wanted to know how to pre-order or how to get involved…I added a link in my profile where you can find a button that says "pre-order the children's book" and you can sign up to be the first notified when the book is officially open for pre-order! Not one comment went unnoticed yesterday and I tried to reply to each and ever one of your heartfelt encouraging messages! I want to highlight once more the talent of Sanne as she literally is INCREDIBLE!! This is the original image that inspired @full_of_freckles_illustrations to create the characters! Do you see the resemblance?! Thank you again, babes! Just do you! Xoxo Allie

A post shared by ALLIE 🌸 Just Do You, Babe! (@allisonkimmey) on

Kindness first

Allison explained that under her roof, the word “fat” had never been uttered as an insult or label, but that when her kids were out and about in the world, they were obviously exposed to attitudes and ideas that were different from the family’s own views.

She urged parents to get serious about promoting positive, compassionate messages about body acceptance and kindness in general.

“It is our job to continue to be the loudest, most accepting, positive and CONSISTENT voice they hear. So that it can rise above the rest,” Allison wrote.

“It matters how we talk to our daughters about our bodies! They are listening. They are asking. And it is up to YOU to help them shape how they will feel about these things! Will you continue the shame that society has placed on you? Or will you teach her a new way of love?”


How do you talk about different bodies at your place?

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