I never wanted ' Mummy Friends'. I didn't want to sit in noisy soft plays, or talk about different coloured shit. I…
“I didn’t want ‘Mummy Friends'”
Cornwall mum Gylisa admits the idea of getting together with other women, and talking about baby stuff made her eyes glaze over. She couldn’t think of anything she’d want to do less.
Plus, she didn’t need to extend her social circle any further. Gylisa was fairly sure that her baby’s daddy, Ryan, would be her sounding board as their daughter Lily grew up. She didn’t need boring nappy chatter or cracked nipple comparisons or competitive parenting. She’d rely on her midwives and close family and friends for advice, support and a shoulder to cry on. She had it all planned.
Until she didn’t! Gylisa quickly realised that the mummy groups she’d been dreading were actually a total godsend – and her best support.
“I didn’t want ‘Mummy Friends’… I needed them,” she realised.
“I needed them”
When health visitors were patchy at best, unreliable and absent, at worst. When her partner was turning himself inside out trying to adjust to his new daddy role. When midwives were just too busy. To her surprise, her mummy friends were there.
“I had a preconceived idea that Mummy Groups were vicious cliques,” Gylisa admitted, but the reality was altogether different.
“I realised that no one else would understand me like they did.”
Though the tricky bits and the triumphs, other mums were there for her.
“There was no clique, just women loving women – despite what you might have heard,” Gylisa said.
They are “the ones who needed me just as much as I needed them,” she summed up. Naw.
I never wanted ‘ Mummy Friends’.
I didn’t want to sit in noisy soft plays, or talk about different coloured shit.
I didn’t want to have knowledge about best nappy brands, or know exactly how many fanny stitches we all had.
I had a preconceived idea that Mummy Groups were vicious cliques, and I hadn’t been in one at school – I didn’t plan to start now.
I didn’t need them anyway, I had my soul mate – my baby daddy. The man I had chosen for this journey. He would be there for everything. I didn’t need anyone else.
Then I had a baby, and I needed someone.
The network I should have had, simply wasn’t there.
My midwives were too busy, I hadn’t met any of them twice.
My Health Visitor was a vanishing woman – still talking about phone numbers and triages and children’s centres id never heard of as she walked herself out. Never to be seen again.
Then there was my partner. My chosen mate. The first love of my life. The man that knew what I needed before I did.
Only he didn’t understand me anymore.
He was trying to figure out his Dad Role.
He didn’t understand why I was crying
about putting the kettle in the fridge. 🙈
He didn’t know why I’d forgotten to take the parcels to the post office.
He didn’t know why I had no love left over for him.
I didn’t want ‘ Mummy Friends’.
Until I realised that no one else would understand me like they did.
The ones that had been there, done that.
The ones that were fumbling through for the first time – just like me.
The ones who had had every argument you can imagine with their husband.
The ones proving you didn’t need to lose yourself along the way. That you’ll find a new you as you go.
The ones who needed me just as much as I needed them.
I made them laugh, and they made me howl with our observations of this bizarrely fabulous and horrendous journey.
There was no clique, just women loving women – despite what you might have heard.
I had love left over for my partner again then. Because he might not get it – but there were scores of women that did.
So I didn’t want ‘Mummy Friends’…
I needed them.
Is your mothers’ group the friends you never knew you needed?