10 Golden Rules for Staying at Grandma’s House
Ah, Grandma’s house. The magical place where there is always a cookie jar full, the television is on all the time, and the rules of reality melt like ice cream in the summer. For generations, children have dreamed of sleeping over at Grandma’s–the sacred retreat where “no” is rarely heard and “chores” is considered a second language.
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Grandma is now the official spoiler-in-chief. While mom and dad are still at home, enforcing strict sleep schedules and promoting kale smoothies. She may have left her parenting days behind, but she is now in full swing as a grandparent.
If you are lucky enough to spend a weekend at Grandma’s (or if your children are nervously saying goodbye to you), then here are the 10 golden rules that govern this sweet, rule-free world.
1. Cake is a Basic Food Group
The food pyramid is turned upside down at Grandma’s.
You can forget about your mother’s green smoothies and balanced meals. Cake isn’t a treat at Grandma’s. It is a cornerstone. Cake is life, whether it’s chocolate cake, lemon drizzle cake, sponge cake, or banana bread with added sugar.
Let’s not forget Grandma’s logic.c
- What are grains? Whole wheat flour is in the cake!
- Milk and butter?
- What is protein? The eggs work hard to build little muscles.
- What is sugar? Just sweetens up the kids!
She insists that you have more than one. You might even get thirds. She’ll tell you with a smile that “you’re growing.” You need your energy!”
2. It’s Not Bedtime! This Clock is Broken
Grandma’s time is different.
It’s not bedtime yet, sweetie. “It’s still not bedtime, sweet, ie” even though the clock has been running reliably for 40 years. If she says that it’s too early, it is.
Why is there such chaos at bedtime? Simple. Grandma cherishes every moment with her grandchildren. If staying up for an hour or two means watching Bluey on the couch, bedtime can be delayed.
It doesn’t matter if you’re yawning and your eyes are drooping. Grandma will still give you a slice of cake, saying, “One more episode won’t harm.”
You won’t argue with me.
3. What Mum Doesn’t Know Won’t Hurt Her
The Grandma Code of Silence is Rule #3.
It is a sacred agreement between grandparents and their grandchildren that whatever happens at Grandma’ will stay at Grandma’s. It’s “selective telling” that’s the key.
What about that midnight ice-cream party? Didn’t happen.
What if you stayed up until 11 PM to watch movies? A minor detail.
What is the Nerf gun Grandma bought impulsively at a toy store? Just say that it’s “something she found in her garage.”
Even Grandma has your back. She’s got a story to cover you. When mum asks you what you did, she will say, “We relaxed, played some board games, and read some books.” You’re still buzzing after four hours of screen time and a sugar rush.
4. Screen Time? Never Heard of It
Grandma may be smart and well-travelled, but she is a bit behind when it comes to technology.
You can convince her that the tablet is not a screen, because it is “educational.” This violent video game? It must be one of the interactive learning tools. What’s the YouTube binge lasting two hours? She’s glad that you are sitting still and not climbing up the curtains.
She doesn’t even see the iPad. She sees quiet. You guessed it, she will reward you for this with another slice of cake.
She’ll comment, “Wow, that game looks complex!” as she watches you blast zombies digitally on the screen. Your kids are very clever.
5. Snack Bar Open 24/7
Grandma’s kitchen is always open, unlike yours, where you close the kitchen at 7 pm sharp, and all snacks are watched like secret government information.
Do you feel hungry at 9:45 pm? You can eat at 9:45 PM.
You want toast, cookies, and grapes? Or lasagna, jelly, and even cookies all at once. You can have it all.
Grandma can tell when her grandchildren are hungry. She offers you warm chocolate milk, biscuits, or sandwiches before you even have the chance to say, “I’d like a.”
What if she does not have your favorite snack on hand? She will make it from scratch. No measuring necessary. No measuring required. Just love, instinct, and at least one stick of butter.
6. Ask and You Shall Receive
You’re treated like a VIP at Grandma’s. You’re likely to get what you want if you ask for it.
You see a toy in the shop that you have begged for 27 times before? Ask Grandma. She will either tell you yes or whisper, “Let’s call this an early Birthday present, darling.”
No worries if it’s an expensive item. Grandma has a plan. She will keep it at home “so that it does not clutter your room,” or store it in her wardrobe until the temperature drops.
Grannies may set limits and budgets, but mums do not? Grandma is living her best life. If spoiling her grandchildren brings her joy, then who will stop her?
7. You Can Eat Your Veggies Tomorrow
Grandma doesn’t expect you to eat vegetables. They are more of a decorative element. The vegetables may appear on the table, but are more of a suggestion – a nice decoration for a fun and delicious meal.
No problem if you don’t eat them. Grandma may gently nudge the vegetables to one side, reminding you that “you’ll eat them tomorrow”.
She’s just pro-happiness. She’s simply pro-happiness. If skipping the carrots will make you eat more lasagne and smile bigger, Grandma thinks it’s a win.
8. Dessert Before Dinner
Dessert is not an after-dinner treat at Grandma’s.
She does not understand why someone should wait until dinner to enjoy something tasty. What if you are too full after dinner to truly enjoy a slice of pavlova?
If you ask nicely, or not so nicely, she will serve dessert before dinner. And maybe again after. You can even choose from a variety of options, just in case you don’t feel like chocolate pudding and prefer cheesecake.
Here, the rules about “sapping your appetite” do not apply. They don’t exist.
9. Chores? No Grandma’s Watch
Even if you are just spending the weekend with Grandma, it is a holiday.
Your mum may have left a list. Grandma “accidentally” misplaced the list. You won’t have to fold laundry or tidy toys, nor will you be making the bed. You do those things at your home and not in this oasis of comfort and pampering.
Even if you wished to help, Grandma will not hear of it.
She will say, “You are just a kid,” as she pushes you away from her dishwasher. “Go play. “You’ll have plenty of time to do chores as you age.”
According to Grandma, the answer is always.
10. No Regular Rules Applicable
It’s important to understand that Grandma’s house has a completely different set of rules. It’s like a completely different world.
It’s not necessary to say “please” and “thank you” every five minutes. You can shout “CAKE!” and she will bring you a platter like you are royalty.
No one will judge you if you sit on your couch all day in mismatched pajamas and don’t brush your hair. No judgement. No reminders.
It’s okay, Grandma. The world is tiring. It’s hard to be polite. Sometimes, brushing your hair can be too much work. She will still treat you as if you were the most valuable thing in the world.
Conclusion
Granma’s home is a place where there are no rules and cakes are everywhere. It indeed goes against logic, schedules, and parental sanity. It’s pure love.
The truth is that beneath the indulgences, the late nights, and the endless snacks lies one thing: Your grandmother just wants to see you happy.
She has been in the trenches of parenting. She has raised your mother or father. She gets to have the fun now – the cuddles and spoiling, storytelling, and memories.
For children, grandma’s home is a place filled with joy and freedom.
It’s a gentle way to remind parents that their children will always be loved, not just by them.
Not only by their parents, but also by those who raised them.
Next time you are about to scold a child for being spoiled by Grandma, take a deep breath and smile. You might one day be the person who gives out cake at dinner before declaring that the clock is broken.
What a chocolate-frosted, sweet world it will be.
