Why Real-life Parenting Isn’t One-size-fits-all
A new “type” of parenting is emerging. It doesn’t have a parenting podcast or Instagram aesthetic, but it lives in many homes quietly (and messily). This type of parenting doesn’t require perfection, rigid rules, or flashy philosophy. You don’t have to feel guilty if you let your toddler watch Peppa Pig over and over again or if you prefer your baby sleeping in a carrier rather than a cot.
It’s the “whatever it takes” parent. You’re probably one of us if you have ever survived a tantrum from a toddler in the middle e a supermarket, slept with your baby to keep them calm, or breastfed to help you get through the night.
This parenting style is more common than most people think. It’s also the most adaptable and honest.
The Cuddle at Bedtime: How it All Began
The story began with a parent’s confession. She cuddled her sons to sleep every night. It’s not because it is part of a scientifically supported sleep method. It’s not because experts say it is. She’s not trying to instill co-dependency or resist her independence.
She does it because it works.
She’s tired. And she has no energy to fight with you. She’s spent. She values calmness over conflict. She holds her children, strokes their locks, and they fall to sleep with love instead of resistance.
Is this a habit or a compulsion? Sure. Does it last forever? Surely not. For now, everyone is at peace. For this mum, and many others, that’s more valuable than checking boxes in a parent handbook.
Tired of Parenting “Shoulds?”
As soon as we become parents, “shoulds” start to appear.
- You need to sleep train.
- Teach them how to settle themselves.
- Avoid screen time.
- Never bribe someone with food.
- You can wean yourself off of dummies in two steps.
These rules are sometimes backed up by science or expert advice. The reality of parenting is not always conducive to these ideals. Life is unpredictable. Children are unpredictable. Parents are also unpredictable.
What do you do when your child won’t nap and you have three errands that need to be run? When your baby only sleeps when you are breastfeeding, but you are told to “let it cry out”, what happens? When your toddler becomes a banshee when he gets into the car, or when you’re told to “let her cry it out”?
You pivot. You pivot. You can do anything that works.
Parents in Action: “Whatever works” Parenting
It’s not always pretty or planned. It’s practical. It’s flexible. It’s rooted in deep love, even though it may appear to be a compromise to some. Take a look at the “whatever works parenting” in real-life scenarios.
1. “You Could Have Custard if You Eat the Broccoli.”
You’re aware that bribing kids with desserts is not ideal. You’ve done your research and know that it could reinforce negative associations with food. When your child has refused to eat vegetables for a whole week, the only way you can get them to eat some is by promising custard. You do it.
In your home, eating something is better than doing nothing. Hey, broccoli with custard still counts as a win.
2. “I Just Want to Take You Out for a Quick Drive …”
Nap time. Your toddler is a raging maniac, refusing to sleep as if it were his job. You know the rest of your day will be a mess if he does not nap. You grab your keys, and you’re on the road.
It only takes ten minutes to drive. It only takes ten minutes. The soft vibrations, the hum from the engine, and you’re out like a flash. Your sanity and peace of mind are not affected.
Would a napping routine that was perfectly planned be better? Maybe. This works.
3. “I Will Just Feed Her Again.”
Your baby just finished nursing 45 minutes ago. Now she is fussing, whining, and arching her back. It could be teething. Perhaps she is overtired. Perhaps she needs comfort from her mother.
You might read in the books that you are “feeding your baby too often” or “using it as a crutch to sleep.” But what do you know? She relaxes when you feed her. She falls asleep. Peace.
You get to take a breather.
4. “Hand Me the Baby Carrier.”
It’s time to cook dinner. Your baby is refusing to be put down. You strap your baby into the carrier and start chopping veggies while you bounce side-to-side like you are at a party.
Forget independent playtime. Self-settling is a thing of the past. The baby carrier can be your superhero cape. Baby is asleep. Dinner gets done. You win.
5. “I Will Put Peppa on Your Behalf.”
You have already exceeded the recommended screen time. You’ve got to make a call, or you need to take ten minutes to relax your mind.
Peppa Pig is the star of your afternoon. Your child is happily transfixed. You get your time. Nobody complains.
This may not be the cover of any parenting magazines, but it works.
6. I’ll Give You an Award if You Make a Poo on the Toilet
The potty training goes well until you get to the second number. Your child suddenly refuses to use the toilet and will only go when it’s time for bedtime.
You bring out your reward chart. You can use stars, stickers, or marshmallows. It works. After a few positive reinforcements, he begins to use the toilet like an expert.
Your methods might be questioned by “experts”. Your child is happy, your bathroom habits have normalised, and you are doing less laundry.
It works again.
Why “Whatever works” Parenting Isn’t Lazy
Some critics might call this approach inconsistent or lazy. This is far from the truth. The “whatever works” approach to parenting is based on intuition. The key to successful parenting is the ability to listen to your child, manage your limits, and create peace in your household.
Admitting that your child does not fit the mold takes courage. Prioritizing your mental health despite parental pressure takes courage. It takes love to accept your child as they are and not what a book, expert, teacher, or other person says they “should” be.
Why It’s Okay to Let Go of the Parenting Olympics
There’s no such thing as a parenting gold medal. There is no first prize for the parent who weans his child from the dummy as soon as possible. No prize for screen-free days.
Only one connection. Stability. Trust. Love.
The small choices you make every day – the cuddles, drives, snacks, dummies, iPads – are all part of your commitment to do what is right for Your Child and your Family in Your Circumstances.
All of Us Have a Little “Whatever Works”
You’ve probably used the “whatever works approach” more than once, whether you are a parent who follows a routine or one who is flexible. Because children aren’t robots. Life is unpredictable. Survival can sometimes be more important than perfection.
Forget tiger parenting. Forget free-range. Forget French parenting. The most humane, honest style of parenting is probably the one that says:
“This works well for us.” “ “
Next time you put on the baby carrier and toss chicken into the pan or offer a spoonful of custard for a broccoli floret or whisper lullabies to your partner during a midnight hug instead of controlled crying, give yourself an approval.
You are not failing. You are just doing your job as a parent in the real world.
You are a parent who does whatever works. You’re welcome to join the club.
