How To Spend Quality Time With Each Child Even When You Are Stretched Thin
I love being part of a large family. It’s an amazing kind of madness to have a big family. The chaos, noise, and endless energy that swirl around the house are a beautiful thing. If money and time were no object, I would add many more children to my crowded family. It’s magical to have a house full of siblings who squabble and learn together.
Here’s the truth: a large family has its challenges. The biggest challenge I have is spending enough individual quality time with each of my children. It’s difficult to feel guilty when your home is constantly humming and you have multiple demands pulling at you. It’s not uncommon for conversations to be cut short or homework assistance to feel rushed. You may worry that your children will feel unheard and less loved.
What kids need, and many parenting experts will agree with me, is not the latest gadget or fancy toys. They need YOU – your undivided focus, your presence, and moments which make them feel seen and special. These moments are even more important in a large family. The more children you have, the higher the chance that someone will feel left out or forgotten in the crowd.
In this light, I began to reflect and research ways I could maximize my time with each child without feeling exhausted or overwhelmed. Spoiler alert! It IS possible to create meaningful connections that fit within busy schedules and are flexible.
Here’s what I discovered and what I plan to implement at home. You might find some of these ideas appealing, too.
1. Quality Doesn’t Need to be Quantity
Let’s begin with a myth: Quality time is defined as long, uninterrupted hours spent exclusively with one child. For parents with large families, this is not always possible. It’s fine.
Small pockets of quality time scattered throughout the day can make a big difference. You don’t need to spend an entire afternoon playing hide-and-seek or doing a long craft project (although these moments are wonderful when they occur). It can be as little as 10 minutes of focused attention to make your child feel loved and valued.
A short reading session before school or a chat with your child about the plans for their day while you are preparing breakfast can be golden moments. Intention is the key. When you spend time with the child, it can add up to an emotional bank account.
This will also help you reduce the pressure to “do everything”. Instead of trying to fit in large blocks of time, which may not be realistic, focus on these short, meaningful interactions. These interactions are easier to maintain and help you keep your relationship with each child.
2. Don’t Underestimate the Power of Physical Affection and Hugs
Many people believe that physical affection is only for babies and young toddlers. Touch is beneficial to children of all ages. Hugs, gentle touches, and pats on the back are important for bonding. They can also boost self-esteem.
Find playful alternatives if hugging doesn’t come naturally in your family, or if your children are older and less likely to show affection. You can show your love by playing games like the “kissing-monster,” tickling, or putting a hand on their shoulders as they pass.
A physical connection can say more than words. It shows your children that you are there for them physically and emotionally. It’s also a great way for parents who are busy to stay close to their children, even when they have limited time.
3. Be Present and Turn off the Distractions
This is my biggest challenge. It’s easy to be physically present, but mentally elsewhere, especially when you have a busy family. You might be planning the next meal or thinking about your chores. Or perhaps you are scrolling through email.
Kids can sense when adults are distracted. You must be there if you want your child to feel valued.
It means turning off the TV and putting your phone away. You can also silence the “to-do list” in your mind. Giving your child your full attention, even for just five or ten minute intervals, sends the powerful message that “you are important to me.”
Your child will feel valued and worthy when you give them your full attention.
4. Share Their Passions and Interests
Stepping into your child’s world is one of the best ways to build a meaningful connection with them. You can ask your child to share their favorite video game with you or read a book that they love together. Draw pictures, listen to their favorite music, or take part in the hobby they enjoy.
This shared experience creates an extra bond because it is about their joys and interests. This is a wonderful way to get to know your child and respect what they enjoy.
When you show your child that you care about their interests, they feel valued, and it strengthens the relationship.
5. Create “Date Nights”, or “Date Mornings”
This is a great idea. Regularly set aside time to spend one-on-one time with each child. You could take one child to dinner, ice cream, or a park every Friday night. No siblings are allowed. You can also alternate weekends, or rotate “late-bedtime” nights, where you have one child stay up a little later to spend time together with you and your partner.
If your children are young, you can try a “breakfast date” or “a cozy babycino and storytime”.
These mini-dates offer your child an experience that is all their own. The memories they make during these times will last a lifetime. This also creates a sense of belonging and security, which are important in large families.
6. A Sacred Connection Can be Made at Bedtime
The bedtime routine isn’t only about brushing your teeth and turning off the lights. It’s also a great opportunity for meaningful conversations and gentle connection.
Make bedtime more than just a routine. Perhaps it is a long cuddle while reading by torchlight or a few moments of discussing the day, week, or dreams. Rotate your children to ensure that each child gets a personal bedtime talk with you throughout the week.
This quiet time with your child can comfort them and help them to feel known.
7. Make Errands & Everyday Tasks Into One-on-One Opportunity
It can seem like running errands is a waste of time. But with some creativity, you can turn them into moments for connection.
Bring a child with you to the post office or grocery store and ask them to help find ingredients or carry bags. Making it fun and recognizing their “helper” role will boost their confidence.
Consider rotating the child who walks your dog. Cooking dinner? Assign a child to be your sous chef. These simple activities encourage conversation and a shared purpose, without taking up extra time.
8. You are Doing an Amazing Job
In large families, parents are often under pressure to be perfect and to give their children endless attention and time. This is an impossible standard.
Allow yourself to be human. You are showing your love and dedication by seeking ways to connect. You should remember that your kids don’t require a perfect parent. They need a parent.
It is more important to have small moments of genuine connection with your children, and repeat them consistently, than trying to become a “supermom or superdad”. Your children will feel loved and secure as a result of these efforts, rather than despite them.
Cut yourself some slack. It may seem like chaos in the home or that the laundry is piling up, but it’s the love you have for your children that makes the difference.
Conclusion
Living in a large family is a messy, joyful adventure filled with love and laughter. But it can be a challenge to find time for every child. Quality time does not have to be extravagant or tiring. You can find it in simple moments, intentional touches, shared interests, and daily routines.
You can create lifelong memories and bonds by embracing flexibility, presence, and celebrating the uniqueness of each child.
You’re doing a great job if you have a large family. Even if you’re stretched to the limit, your love and efforts are what will help your children thrive.
Let’s find those moments of joy and cherish them. One day, your children will thank you for the hugs, smiles, and lasting memories.
