Parenting is a journey that involves many roles, including caretaker and protector. But most importantly, it’s a journey of friendship. Your relationship with your child will set the foundation of the bond that you share for the rest of their lives. Being your child’s first best friend goes beyond providing for their needs it means creating a safe, trusting environment where they can turn to you for comfort, support, and guidance.
In this post, we will explore how to nurture that friendship while maintaining the boundaries necessary to help your child become a confident and independent individual. This strong friendship will lay the foundation for a lasting relationship.
Parent as a Child’s First Best Friend
A parent explains how she is more than just a mother to her children. She is also their best friend.
Some parents don’t think it is possible to be both a parent and a friend to their child, but others believe it’s vital. One mum said on Reddit that she sees herself as a friend to her children:
She says, “I’ve seen a lot of comments that say parents ruin their children by being friends with them. I think this is total bullsh*t.” “I love my kids. I parent my kids; I guide my kids. I am firm when they cross social or safety/health boundaries.
I want to also be there for them when they need someone to talk to, a friend, or a sounding board. Imho, [in my humble opinions], a parent should be the FIRST friend of a child, a friend that is always there, but who will also tell them the truth,” she says. “I feel sorry for the children of parents who are not friends. I still have a very close relationship with my mother, and she is someone who I trust more than anyone else. “She has corrected me many times, and I am grateful.”
Parents are First and Foremost.
Is it the same thing as friendship? We want our kids to feel comfortable opening up to us and coming to us when they need us.
A parent who believes there is a significant difference in the way they are raised can also be added to the conversation. “I’m always there for my kids in the same way you describe yours – but I am their parent and not their friend. Period, she says. I think that when people say you shouldn’t have friends with your children, they are saying that your kids won’t always like you or approve of the parenting decisions you make. It’s not your responsibility to ensure your children are always happy.
Fine line
Some parents feel that when parents become ‘friends with their kids’, fewer expectations are met and fewer boundaries set. One parent says that she agrees with friendship but adds, “I think the typical ‘friend’ parents don’t do the things you describe.” They let their child murder because they don’t want their child to dislike them. That is irresponsible.
A parent also agrees, “I think there’s a fine line that separates parenting from friendship. But I feel they can be mutually exclusionary if done correctly.” I want my children to feel comfortable enough to confide in me about any problem, no matter how small. But I also want them to know what I expect of them.
Mix of both
For me, I fall somewhere in between. I am very close to my parents, and I hope my children feel the same about me. But I believe that parenting is different from being a good friend. As a parent, you must take care of your child. You should teach them the right and wrong way to behave, as well as insist that vegetables are eaten. You should have jobs that are more than just a friend. As a parent, your children may not always agree with what you say. A friend may be more subtle. If I am a good parent and my children still choose me as their trusted friend over all other people, I will consider myself one of the fortunate ones.
I want to know their secrets.
My mom has always been supportive and encouraged me in every stage of my life. She always let me make my own decisions and made me feel loved. She’s not been my confidant. She didn’t discourage me from telling her everything, but there was always a barrier. You want to protect your secrets, and you don’t want them to be revealed to a stranger. It has always felt like there was an invisible barrier between us because she is my mother and not my friend. I didn’t want to tell her about my friends or the cute boy I thought I was. She was just Mom. But my friends who had a mother who encouraged them to see her as their friend were more likely than others to tell her everything.
I want them to think of me as someone they can trust to tell all about their lives. I want my girls to see me as a safe place to talk about their fears and dreams. I want to show them what it means to be a friend and to teach them to trust other people and to spot warning signs when they are not so good.
Play is an important part of parent-child relationships.
Play is an important element in friendship. We play intuitively with babies and young children. We engage in activities such as peekaboo or tower building. We often join the game after they start it. We love the way they get us involved in their games (although playing peekaboo on a plane with the child sitting in front of us can become a bit old). Experts who study children between the ages of birth and three years have found that we are delighted by these interactions.
We focus our efforts on training a child’s behaviour from this point forward into adolescence. In many different ways, we are told to be the parent and not the friend. This is parenting dogma that has not been defined but is often translated as “because I told you so”.
When we focus our parenting on “command and Control” instead of “delight,” we may push out the “delight.” Our parenting skills are limited when we focus on our taskmaster role. We can return to joy if we allow time for children-driven activities and play without adult expectations or demands. These friendly interactions help us to build a stronger relationship with our children and teach them self-regulation, communication and other skills. We are not being friends with our child, but it is a friendly interaction.
Playing with our children is a great way to build a relationship. It can be anything from Legos and playground games to tea parties or even building forts. It’s important to follow your child. When your child is older and more interested in other things, you can ask them to show you their favourite video games or share their favourite YouTube or TikTok channels. It’s not necessary to enjoy these activities. Your child will probably not want you as their main friend. But being curious about them and showing delight in their space is an excellent way to be both a friend and a parent. You’ll be an uncool, inept friend who never gets it. But you will still be a good friend.
Children will not always want to play with you. As they age, they’ll put more restrictions on this. If you play with your children, you will create a space between you that will last forever. It will also expand your parenting tools.
Conversation Strengthens Parent-child Bonds
Conversation is the second foundational element of parent friendship after play. This looks different in childhood and adolescence, but it is always important. We listen to babies babble, and then we talk to them, engaging in a back-and-forth that helps build language and emotional connections. Conversation with older children can still be enjoyable, even though it may not feel as pleasant.
Respecting the boundaries of older children and teenagers is the first step in starting a conversation. The importance of being quiet and not talking is underestimated. We can instead keep our ears and eyes open for casual chatter and then listen with intent and presence. It’s best to refrain from advising unless you’re asked. Listening to them and their worries with compassion and curiosity builds emotional bonds and fosters trust. It sounds like friendship to me.
Here are some ways can help adults develop rich, positive friendships with children.
1. Model friendship skills.
Children learn from the behaviour of adults around them. Be sure to show good behaviour when you are with your friends. You should avoid gossiping and talking down to your friends when you have children around. You should let your children know the importance of long-lasting friendships.
2. Encourage your child to make friends that matter.
Support your child’s relationship with a friend who brings them joy even if they go to different schools. Can schedule a time for your child to visit friends, such as if they have preschool friends who now attend a new kindergarten. It doesn’t matter if the playdates are rare, they will help your child feel more connected.
3. Respect your child’s personality.
You must let your child be themselves when it comes to making new friends. Do not compare your child’s social personality or friendship skills with that of their siblings. Some kids love having a large number of friends, while others prefer to keep a small group. It’s important to acknowledge your child’s individuality and needs.
One of the hardest developmental stages for children is navigating early childhood friendships. Talk to your child about difficult situations when they occur. Even with a little support and guidance, parents and other adults who have influence can help children develop the necessary social skills.
Children will eventually grow in social skills as they develop physically, emotionally and cognitively during their school years. Children will have a wonderful time developing lasting friendships with the support of their parents and other adults.
How to cultivate trust and respect in positive relationships
For a parent-child relationship to be positive, trust and respect are key.
In the early years of your baby’s life, it is important to build trust. When your baby learns that you can meet his or her needs, they will feel more secure. Your child will feel safe and secure as they explore the world.
As your child grows older, the respect and trust will grow.
In your relationship, you can cultivate trust and respect. You can, for example:
- Be there for your child when they need support, help or care. You might pick up your toddler after they fail or your teenager when they call you following a party. It helps your child to learn that you will be there for them when they need it.
- Keep your word so that your child will learn to trust you. If you say you will attend a school event, make sure you do your best to go.
- Know your child, and appreciate them for who they truly are. Ask about your favourite players or cheer them on if they love football. Respecting your child’s opinions and feelings will encourage them to continue sharing with you.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the relationship between a parent and their child as both a caregiver and a friend can be a vital and unique bond. While some believe that the parent-child relationship should remain strictly authoritative, others see the value in offering emotional support and understanding as a trusted friend.
https://babyology.com.au/parent-as-a-childs-first-friend/
