6 Thoughts That Every Parent Has When They Hit the Pillow At Night
You would think that the hardest part of a parent’s day is falling asleep. We’ve worked ourselves to the bone keeping our children alive and (mostly!) happy. Juggling work, household duties, emotional labor, and the constant demands on family life, we haven’t had much time for sleep. The reality is very different. Our bodies may be ready to shut off when we finally lay our heads down on the pillow. But what about our minds? Not so much.
Bedtime is not always a time of instant comfort, as any parent who has been through it knows. It can feel like the beginning of a new shift, the mental shift. Our brains are cluttered by the same thoughts during those few precious moments before bedtime (or the hours of insomnia which sometimes follow). Some of them are funny, and others are filled with anxiety. But they are all relatable.
Take a look at six of the most common thoughts that parents have as they go to bed. It’s about to get real.
1. “Why Have I Stayed Up so Late Again? This may be the most universal thought in parenting history. You stayed up way past your bedtime despite the exhaustion that you felt all day. You didn’t stay up for anything important either. You could have been folding laundry until 11:30 pm. You could be binge-watching a show that you have been trying to watch for three weeks. Or, let’s face it: endlessly scrolling Instagram until your thumb hurts.
You sacrificed precious sleep minutes or hours to feel human again. This “me time”, when the house is silent and no one asks for a snack, feels sacred. Many parents feel that the late-night hours of the day are their only time to themselves. As you crawl into bed at night, guilt and regret begin to creep in.
Why did I do it to myself? I’m going to be a zombie by tomorrow. I am aware of how I feel when I do not get enough sleep. Here I am. Again.
It’s a cycle. Know what I should be doing, but sometimes self-care isn’t about bubble baths or yoga. It can also mean scrolling TikTok at night while eating cookies. We don’t even apologize. Tomorrow morning will be painful.
2. “This Mattress Feels Incredible.”
There’s nothing better than slipping between a cool sheet after a hectic day of parenting. It’s almost euphoric when your body completely surrenders to the bed. The relief. Calm. The calm.
For some, this feeling is spiritual. It’s not only comfort, it’s bliss. It’s pure luxury to lie flat after being pulled, prodded, and possibly even climbed all day like a jungle gymnasium.
Parents can often relate to that almost uncontrollable groan when they climb into bed. It’s like the body is saying, “YES.” This. “This is what I have been waiting for all my life.”
It’s not enough time, but it makes us feel at home. We desperately need a reset button, even if it’s only for six to seven hours. If we are lucky, we might be able to press it five times. And always interrupted. Always interrupted
3. “How Many Hours of Sleep Will I Get?”
Ah, the sleep math. This calculation is known to every parent.
You can start as soon as your eyes catch the time: “Okay, it’s now 11:47 PM.” If I sleep for the next 5 minutes, I will get 6 hours and 13 minutes of sleep until the alarm sounds. If the baby doesn’t wake up. Or if the toddler is having a nightmare. Or the cat vomits underneath the bed. Someone pees on the bed. Or I wake at 3 AM, and I can’t sleep because my mind is replaying that awkward thing I did in 2014.
Always a gamble. It’s especially important during the early years, when children wake up unpredictably at night. Each hour of sleep is a miracle. Every 15 minutes, more feels like an extra round.
You know that tomorrow, regardless of the math or the wishful thinking you have, it will probably start at 6 AM with “Mom, please help me find my other sock.”
4. “What Noise Was That?”Your hypersensitive parental radar will continue to be heard loudly even when you silence your thoughts and lie down. You know it. You know the one.
Is that a baby? Someone is calling me. Did I forget to lock the back door? Is there water flowing? Is that water running? Was that my toddler? Should I check it?
After being on high alert for the day, your ears are trained to detect even the slightest noises, especially if they sound like a child screaming “Mummyyyyy!” If you have a partner who snores, then good luck trying to determine if it was your husband or your three-year-old making this nasal high-pitched honk.
For a parent, silence is not always peaceful. It’s suspicious. This makes it even harder to drift off to sleep.
5. “Damn! I forgot to _____.”
Something about getting into bed seems to trigger a memory switch. Your brain reminds you of all the things that you did not do.
I forgot to sign the permission slip. I forgot to put the laundry in the dryer. Did I leave my dog outside? I’m sorry, but I never packed lunches. Did I reply to that email at work?
Parents of all kinds experience this. Your brain will list off all the tasks you haven’t completed as if it were trying to sabotage REM sleep. You decide if you want to get up and fix it or if you can wait until the morning.
Spoiler: Some of it just can’t wait. In six hours, some of it will come back and haunt you. It’s like not starting the dishwasher. It’s not a good way to start your day to wake up with a pile of dirty dishes.
What about other times? Then you roll over, whispering, “morning will take care of it”, knowing that the morning is going to be a sour one.
6. “I Will Just Check the Kids Again …”
Even though you’re exhausted and want to sleep, a tender, if not irrational, compulsion kicks in. It’s the urge to check on your children one last time.
You have already kissed your children goodnight. You’ve already tucked in your children, checked that their nightlight is on, and made sure they have their stuffed animals within reach. The covers are snug. It still doesn’t seem like enough. What if the blanket was kicked off? What if they have cold feet? What if they are sobbing in the middle of the night because their lovey is behind them?
So you get up. You tiptoe into each room. You might straighten a quilt or grab a stuffed rabbit. You could just watch their peaceful, sweet faces for a few moments. Their tiny chests rising or falling. Their lips are slack as they sleep, and their cheeks are still rosy.
All the exhaustion is transformed into something else in those moments: awe. Gratitude. Love so deep it hurts.
It dawns on you that, despite all the chaos, frustration, tantrums, tears, endless demands, and relentless pace of parenting… This is it. Here’s the good stuff. It’s all here.
Two hours later, you are awakened by someone whispering, “Mom, it was a bad nightmare.”
Conclusion
You’re not alone if you’ve ever woken up at night thinking about any or all of these things.
Parenting is an all-day, every-day job. The worry, mental load, and emotional exhaustion don’t stop when the sun goes down. There are moments of clarity, connection, and peace amongst the constant noise, regrets, and to-do list.
Give yourself grace the next time you lay your head on the pillow. You can get eight hours of blissful sleep (rare but possible) or five hours of interrupted sleep. Remind yourself that you are doing your best. That’s enough.
You might want to skip the last episode. You’ll thank yourself tomorrow.
