‘Don’t waste your time’: Things this new mum is tired of explaining
When mum Missy Robinson shared her thoughts on the emotional labour women have to do when they have a baby, it struck a chord with thousands of other mums.
Protect yourself
Missy heads up Bump, Baby and Co, a business focused on caring for pregnant and postpartum women and she had some sage advice for new mamas who might find themselves second-guessing their choices – and at the mercy of ‘well-intentioned’ queries.
Missy urged women to settle into their choices and know their own hearts, advising every new mum to trust themselves. She writes:
“Protect your energy and don’t waste your time;
Explaining why you had a cesarean.
Explaining why you had a home birth.
Explaining why you had your baby in hospital.
Explaining why you had pain relief during birth.
Explaining why you didn’t have pain relief.
Explaining why you aren’t breastfeeding.
Explaining why you are still breastfeeding.
Explaining why you are bottle feeding.
Explaining why you give your child a dummy.
Explaining why you don’t give your child a dummy.”
Read more about new mums:
- 4 surprising ways having a baby transformed me as a person
- Let’s stick together: How to survive life with your velcro baby
- Bec Judd’s first baby delivery room blues: “I felt nothing but complete shock”
Trust yourself
Have you ever read anything about those early days with a newborn that makes more sense?! You could spend those days overthinking and explaining every mum decision or circumstance away, if you’re not careful.
Missy notes that in the end, you can’t please everyone, and the people that truly matter when it comes to your parenting decisions can be counted on one hand.
“People will judge no matter what you do or don’t do,” she writes, “but remember you have the power and you have the right to do what works for you and your baby because your physical and mental health and your babe’s health is what matters. Big Love from a mum who’s learned that #opinionsarelikeassholeseveryonehasone – but doesn’t mean it’s right!!”
Acceptance and empathy
But Missy’s right. No matter what choices you make when parenting your child, there will be someone in the peanut gallery informing you of how misguided you are.
Opinions. Are. Everywhere.
What isn’t everywhere is kindness, empathy and the ability to truly care for and listen to ourselves and others.
If you’re keen on questioning another mum’s choices, slow your roll. Mind your own beeswax, be kind, trust her judgement and apply a liberal dose of acceptance.
If you’re questioning your own parenting choices, know that gut-feelings count for a lot, the term mothers’ intuition was coined for good reason and mums’ needs matter. Back yourself. You’re doing your best.
And if you’re ever feeling challenged or judged by others, don’t forget what Missy said – “Protect your energy and don’t waste your time … your physical and metal health and your babe’s health is what matters.”
