7 Ways Second Pregnancies Feel Different

You’re at it again.
Another positive pregnancy test. Another little human is growing in you. Stretch marks, mood swings and late-night cravings are all part of this strange, wild world.

This time it’s different.

You’ve seen this before. You’ve been here before. The second time should be familiar and maybe even easier, since you have experience. Pregnancy no. 2 isn’t a repeat. It’s a different beast. Second-time motherhood is a unique mix of exhaustion and joy, as well as a sense of déjà vu.

From the first bloated weeks to the approaching due date, here’s what pregnancy is really like the second time.

7 Ways Second Pregnancies Feel Different

1. You can’t keep it a secret for long (like, ever)

Remember your first pregnancy? You were a vault.
You waited exactly 12 weeks before telling anyone outside of your inner circle. You likely created a clever announcement on social media involving tiny sneakers or your dog in a “Big Brother’ shirt. The reveal was a moment.

Second time around? Your uterus may have other plans.

Six weeks into your pregnancy, you are already bloated and exhausted. You reach for maternity pants. Your boobs will announce your pregnancy before you do. Your barista will notice that your coffee order has changed and give you the look.

Your body will say, “Oh, we’re doing it again?” It’s like, “Oh, we’re doing this again?” The bump appears earlier, fatigue is more intense, and someone in the daycare congratulates you before you can even speak. Surprise!

2. The world doesn’t get as excited

When you became pregnant for the first time, everyone came out to congratulate you.
Congratulations!
Tell me everything!
Gifts, texts, long meals, and even a gender reveal party with cake and confetti were all part of the festivities.

Second time? The excitement is… quieter.
People are happy for you. But they often say things like:
You can say, “Oh, wow, already?” “You’ll be busy!” or the awkwardly honest “Was this planned?”

Don’t let it bring you down. People assume that you and your baby will be fine, so the fanfare goes down. They believe in your abilities, your strength and your experience. Second-time mothers are also entering unknown territory. You’ve already proved you can handle the stress (and snacking).

Let’s be honest: your second child might not have a nursery with a Pinterest theme, but he or she will still get something better – a mother who is confident in what she does.

3. You can’t remember the weeks

First pregnancy: you’re a walking encyclopedia of pregnancy.
Subscribe to three apps for weekly updates. You can tell when your baby is growing eyelashes or reaching the size of a mango. In a journal, you record every kick and desire. You keep a pregnancy book next to your bed.

Second pregnancy:
You can forget the week in which you are.
Or 21? Is it 21?
It’s fine if you have an idea that your due date will be in July.

It’s not that you aren’t excited, but the pace of your life has changed. You are already running around after your toddler, working and dropping off the kids at daycare. And you’re trying to remember whether or not you have brushed your teeth. It’s okay if you don’t have enough mental capacity to keep track of every milestone. Even if you haven’t read “Week 22 Checklist,” your baby is still developing beautifully.

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You seem more present. You’re less obsessed with week-by-week goals and more focused on getting through the day. (And maybe peeing fewer than seven times per hour.)

4. You secretly (or not so secretly) dread the end

When you first became pregnant, it was the time. You prepared for it. You planned for it. You may have even created a playlist. Yes, it was frightening, but you were also excited to cross this unknown, sacred threshold.

This time? This time?

You are aware of the intensity.
The recovery. The recovery. The stitches. The c C-section incision. The haemorrhoids.
It’s not as sugarcoated as it used to be. It replays vivid highlights from your first delivery, both the parts you want to remember and the ones you don’t.

You might start to feel more anxious about the future instead of daydreaming blissfully. That’s normal. You are not afraid–you are well-informed. Knowledge is power, but it may also cause your nerves to kick in earlier.

What’s the good news? You are not going into the unknown. You are aware of how to breathe during contractions. You don’t realise how strong you are. This makes you stronger, not less brave.

5. What are the food rules? The Food Rules?

First pregnancy:
The list of foods to avoid was posted on your fridge.
No soft cheese, sushi, runny egg, wine, or deli meat, unless they are microwaved to oblivion. You take your prenatal vitamin pills every day, and you Google each ingredient in your salad.

Second pregnancy
It’s still reasonable to say that you’re… careful now.
On your anniversary, you might enjoy a glass of wine. You could eat the soft cheese in a restaurant you trust. You may even order sushi at your favourite Japanese restaurant (gasp!).

Why? You now know your body better. You know the risks, and you also understand what feels safe. You are navigating your pregnancy with more calm and less anxiety.

When you are chasing after a toddler and growing a child, you may need to grab whatever you can with one hand.

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6. You don’t need to worry about every little thing anymore

You became a thinker after your first pregnancy.
Google was your first stop for every twinge. Each symptom seemed to be a serious problem. You wondered if you ate enough, rested enough or moved enough. You worried about whether or not your baby had hiccups too often. You may have even worried that you were worrying too much.

Two pregnancies? You’re just too tired (and busy) to put in that kind of effort.

You have learned that the majority of what you were worried about did not matter. Your baby will grow. You will figure it out. Your instincts are your best guide. You can trust your instincts. There are bigger issues to consider, like how to handle a toddler’s meltdowns while managing morning sickness.

Your brain switches from anxiety towards practicality. It’s refreshing.

7. You know how strong you are

When you first gave birth, your life changed.
Your body has changed. Your heart expanded. You discovered you can do things that you’ve never thought possible, like function without sleep, clean bodily fluids and even cry for no apparent reason in the car.

What about the second time? You realise something else.
You are stronger than you think.

You are not only growing another child, but you’re also parenting a second child. You are juggling tantrums and nausea. Attending appointments while holding a toddler is a challenge. You prepare your heart to expand once again, knowing that you’ve already given it all away.

You still have space.
You are loved.
You are a person of courage.
You’re doing a difficult thing again, but you do it with grace and resilience. And there are snacks in your bag.

It’s Still the Same Love at the End, but a Different Journey

The second pregnancy may not bring the same excitement, novelty, or Instagram updates as the first. Don’t let anyone fool you–this baby will be just as much loved, wanted and special as the first.

This time, the love is more intense. This love is layered, with knowledge, wisdom and experience.

You don’t have to make a big statement.
You don’t require weekly updates.
You need to know this: again, you are doing something incredible. This is worth celebrating.