Holiday? Does that even exist when you have kids? If you can afford one it’s just the same hamster wheel of tantrums and wiping bums but in a different location while haemorrhaging cash. But in fantasy land … well, anything goes. Here are nine fantasy mum holidays to inspire you – we can all dream right?!
1. Parents’ mini-break
You talk about it all the time – a child-free holiday for you and the hubby somewhere like a vineyard sipping vino, sleeping in and getting sexy times back on track – but when do you actually get around to doing it?! Never, because even a sneaky weekend away is such a drama to organise. Who’s looking after the kids? Can we afford it? When do we have a free weekend? Are my legs shaved? Where’s the live-in nanny when you need one?!
2. All-expenses paid family adventure
Who cares how badly the kids behave if you’re not paying for the trip right?! Winning a free family vacay to Disneyland or the like is the dream – your kids will think you rock for years to come and the best part is you barely have to organise anything! The itinerary is set, accommodation and flights sorted, and you probably have a few free meals and spending money thrown in too. All you need to do is pack a bag and rock up to the airport with the rugrats and passports. Score!
3. Girls’ trip
When was the last time you went wild with your gal pals? Mums never get decent time alone with the girlfriends these days – there’s usually small, distracting people attached to us and a strict curfew on when we need to get back home and make dinner or put someone down for a nap. But when you’re off with the girls it’s party time! Hitting the nail salon, long ladies lunches, dancing up a storm, gossiping about celebrities – you name it, there’s so much fun to be had and none of it involves a single nappy or a boring sports match.
4. The (non-serious) hospital stay
One of the characters in Bad Moms hilariously fantasises about getting in a car accident (nothing too serious) and having to spend a week in hospital being looked after. This is pretty extreme of course, but she was definitely onto something! You’d get meals and drinks brought to you, no household chores to do, no one else to look after, time to watch TV and read uninterrupted, endless hours to sleep, and people may even bring you care packages and things. Wow, we’re drooling already – is that my appendix playing up?
5. Me-time spa retreat
Two hour massages, daytime naps, healthy meals and being pampered within an inch of your life – all completely solo – is one for the bucket list. This is me-time to the max. You could even throw in a bit of yoga and meditation, or take a cooking class – whatever floats your boat. You have no one to pack for, look after, or sit next to you on the plane – this is your holiday and NO ONE can mess with it.
6. Corporate vacation
You know those free staff incentive team holidays that large companies give employees when they hit sales targets? Yeah one of those. They’re usually in exotic locations you’d never normally go to, everything is FREE FREE FREE and super fancy and fun, plus it’s all organised for you and you can even bring partners and kids. Shame you might have to actually work to get one of these though, and you’ll have to chat to colleagues, but it’s worth it.
7. Extreme trip
Oooh bungee jumping in New Zealand, hiking in Vietnam or brushing elbows with cool celebs at Coachella. You’re not too old for that – in your dreams! Surely there’s a way you can make this happen, just because you’re a mum now doesn’t mean you can’t have a crazy choose-your-own adventure right? Do they make white water rafting jackets in size 0?
8. Fantasy island (with kids!)
The perfect family vacation – a cheap tropical island getaway with kids’ clubs and nannies, amazing food, fun family times, where nothing goes wrong and the children all behave like angels. You even get to wear white pants and kaftans that don’t get ruined by grubby hands. Seriously this is the type of holiday that gives you enough photo album fodder to make all your Facebook friends jealous and have you reminiscing fondly around the dinner table for years to come – the dream trip that will probably never be repeated again.
9. Home alone
Imagine this: you wake up and look at the clock, it says 9am. You haven’t had this much sleep since 2001. You don’t have to tidy the house because there’s only you there. No fussy dinners to make, little messes to clean or fights to break up. You can do what you want! Blast that music until all hours, eat cake for breakfast and spend hours watching TV and dancing with the cat – because anything goes when the family’s away.
Do you have a favourite mum fantasy holiday?