Mum’s raw open letter: “Dear infertility, you steal dreams, you break hearts”

desiree fortin and family

This mum’s open letter addressing her challenge to conceive – and IVF treatment – is striking a chord with parents across the globe and making them feel less alone.

A problem shared

Now mum-of-triplets, Desiree Fortin, who blogs at Our Journey To Parenthood and shares her family’s story on Facebook at The Fortin Trio opened up about the long and painful journey to being a mum.

Desiree and husband Ryan were desperate for a family, but had struggled with infertility, leaning heavily on their faith as they turned to IVF in the hopes of finally conceiving. 

After an arduous series of treatments and disappointments, the couple were blessed with not one but THREE babies. Grateful for their Insta-family, Desiree shared some very raw reflections on her battle to conceive, hoping it may help other families facing similar struggles. The new mum wrote a long letter to her nemesis – infertility. Publishing it on her blog, she revealed how those dark days challenged her and shared the thoughts that had swirled in her head:

“Dear Infertility, I hated you. You steal dreams. You break hearts. You bring grief. You consume lives. You are the reason I couldn’t get pregnant on my own. You drowned my heart in deep misery from the inability to become a Mother how most women do. You told me that my body wasn’t good enough.”

Documenting disappointment

Desiree recounted the disappointments and second-guessing of her IVF journey, documenting experiences that other mums struggling to conceive would relate closely to. She recalled the relentless marathon of countless shots, the expense, the physical pain and the difficulty of hearing other family’s happy baby news. It’s an important insight for anyone who hasn’t considered how difficult fertility treatment can be, too.

“Infertility, there are so many things you brought with you when you entered my life. It wasn’t just that I couldn’t get pregnant. You brought me more tears than I ever thought I could shed. Because of you I laid on my bathroom floor in complete emptiness after countless negative pregnancy tests.”

“Time and time again I had to endure shots, bruises, and all kinds of meds because when you are infertile and you seek fertility treatment for help, that is what you are in for. You are expensive and exhausting physically, emotionally, and mentally. Infertility, you drowned my heart in disappointment and agony. And truthfully, it was pretty painful every time I heard the words “I’m pregnant” from someone other than myself.”

"Dear Infertility, I hated you. You steal dreams. You break hearts. You bring grief. You consume lives. You are the reason I couldn’t get pregnant on my own. You drowned my heart in deep misery from the inability to become a Mother how most women do. You told me that my body wasn’t good enough. You may have been a huge part of my story, but you never defined me. And on this day, two years ago, I kicked your ass. I defeated you. I showed you that there is victory in infertility and God finally planted life in my womb. Infertility, there are so many things you brought with you when you entered my life. It wasn’t just that I couldn’t get pregnant. You brought me more tears than I ever thought I could shed. Because of you I laid on my bathroom floor in complete emptiness after countless negative pregnancy tests time and time again. I had to endure shots, bruises, and all kinds of meds because when you are infertile and you seek fertility treatment for help, that is what you are in for. You are expensive and exhausting physically, emotionally, and mentally. Infertility, you drowned my heart in disappointment and agony. And truthfully, it was pretty painful every time I heard the words “I’m pregnant” from someone other than myself. And yet, in the midst of all of that-you brought me hope. As much as I hated you, Infertility, I am also so thankful that you were my story. " **continue reading–link in bio*** #infertility #infertilityawareness #infertilityawarenessweek #share #blog #infertilityblog #mother #momlife #lovewhatmatters #womenpower #strongwomen #ivf #raisingkidswithfear #overcomer #pregnant #empoweringwomen #bigcitymoms #takebackpostpartum #birthwithoutfear #raisingkids #babies #NIAW #hope #theweekoninstagram #wives #mothers #answeredprayer #joy #womenirl #instalike

A post shared by Desiree Fortin (@thefortintrio) on

Perspective shift

In the wake of the triplet’s birth, time – and three beautiful babies – have shifted this tenacious mum’s perspective dramatically.

Desiree now looks back on her conception struggle and sees those years as a turning point… an important and defining experience.

“As much as I hated you, Infertility, I am also so thankful that you were my story. You made me strong. Even before I got pregnant, my strength was rising. Not only did I feel like Superwoman after all of those injections, meds, blood draws, doctor visits, etc. but I found strength emotionally, as well… Infertility, you taught me that I am never alone in my darkest days.”

“What hope really is”

Adversity has built character and persistence (and the exact right conception circumstances) has reaped big rewards. Desiree says her infertility struggle has taught her valuable life lessons.

“Infertility, it is because of you that I get to be a Mom to Charlize, Sawyer, and Jax. This love that I get to experience with them is absolutely undeniable. It is the greatest feeling in the world and if you weren’t part of my story, I would be missing out on a truly honorable role as their Mommy.”

“It is because of you that two years ago I found myself lying on a Doctor’s bed waiting for two precious and perfectly made embryos to be transferred to my womb… And it is because of you that I have a greater understanding of what hope really is.”

Embracing her struggle – and leaning on her faith – this mum has been able to reconcile her darkest days, look them in the eye and move forward stronger than ever. Hat tip to you, mama.

Congratulations to Desiree and Ryan on their beautiful babies.

"To My Friend who is Dreading Mother’s Day, This Mother’s Day, I celebrate YOU. I know this is a hard day. I know you are dreading it. I know it can be agonizing and painful. I know your heart hurts–it hurts on a lot of days, but on this day, it especially hurts. I know this day is just a reminder that your womb is barren and longing to be fruitful. Trust me, I know. I know that Mom’s every where are celebrated and you’re desperate to relish in a role so special and honorary. I know over the years you have formed a special place in your heart for your baby who has not yet come. Friend, this Mother’s Day I celebrate YOU. I celebrate you because you are strong and brave. I celebrate you for not losing hope. I celebrate you because you are a Mama and you are waiting on the Lord to work out every little detail. I celebrate you because fertility treatments suck and those bruises on your body from daily hormone shots remind you that your womb is not full. I know you are exhausted emotionally, physically, and mentally. My friend, I know. I celebrate you because the scar on your tummy represents someone who you didn’t get to snuggle with for very long because he was welcomed into Heaven’s gates sooner than what you imagined. I know you’re grieving, Mama. I celebrate you because it takes a lot of bravery and strength to bury your baby. My heart breaks for your loss, Mama. On that day when your baby went to Heaven, I know it was heart wrenching-the ugly cry kind of heart wrenching. And even though you can’t snuggle your angel baby, you are still a Mom. Mama, I celebrate you because even though your baby left your womb far too early in pregnancy, you are still a Mama. I know you were dreaming of her and planning every little detail of life as a Mother. I know you think of her and what she would have looked like. I know this season may feel lonely. And I know that this Mother’s Day is hard. I want you to know that you not forgotten, Mama." ***continue reading. Link in Bio ** #mothersday #infertility #share #blog #momblogger #mother #momlife #lovewhatmatters #empoweringmoms #strongwomen #ivf #womensbest #overcomer #pregnant #pregnancyloss #raisingkidswithoutfear

A post shared by Desiree Fortin (@thefortintrio) on

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