33 things you’ll only understand if you’re a mum of boys

You know you have a boy when … He has a penis?

Well yes, there’s that and if you have a son you’re probably laughing right now at how much he loves his doodle, but there are loads of other things that only mums of boys could reply in answer to that question.

Having a little guy is just the best, but it is also very messy, smelly and noisy. Which is why all of these responses to the question, ‘you know you have a boy when …’ are so on the money. 

Read them and have a chuckle with other mums who know what it’s like to have a bathroom that permanently smells of urine.

You know you have a boy when …

1. You can confidently point out the difference between a digger and a bulldozer.

2. You’ve been peed on, water-pistol style, during a nappy change.

3.  You can identify all the Thomas the Tank engine trains by their colour.

4. Your boy falls asleep on your lap and you wonder how he got such beautiful lashes.

5. There is always pee on the toilet seat (and floor).

6. You can’t relate to your friend moaning about her fashionista daughter taking ages to pick out an outfit, because your son is a NUDIST.

7. You know the silence from another room is never a good thing.

8. It sounds like you have a dinosaur rather than a human child living in your house.

9. You are excited that it will soon be cicada season.

10. Your mood shifts between: Exasperation. Pure love. Exasperation. Pure love. Exasperation. Pure love. Exasperation. Pure love. Exasperation. Pure love. Exasperation. Pure love. Exasperation. Pure love.

11. You shout out “concrete truck!” when driving, only to realise you don’t have any little passengers after doing the daycare drop-off.

12. The soles of your feet have LEGO callouses.

13. You know that to your little boy a pot-plant and a toilet is one and the same and you’d actually prefer him to use the pot-plant as his aim sucks.

14. He rumbles with his dad and saves his snuggles and gentle touches for you.

15. You know what a ‘tree wee’ is.

16. You are sitting in the plaster room getting the latest limb wrapped.

17. You are the only one who has to ‘hold it in’ at a park.

18. You have had a bad day and your tears get the better of you and a little voice says “Are you alright Mum?”.

19. You say “flush the loo” about 20 times a day.

20. He picks you flowers, or weeds, but you don’t mind either way because he’s just LOVE!

21. He thumps his brother and you know that’s his version of a cuddle.

22. Your heart gets ripped out of your chest as he speeds down the hill on his bike with his feet off the pedals. 

23. Your three-year-old son’s favourite words are wee, poo, bum and fart.

24. You don’t bother getting new carpet/flooring/soft furnishings ‘”for a few years at least”. 

25. You roll over in your sleep onto a toy car/truck/train because your boy left it there.

26. Armpit farts are white noise to you.

27. You arrive at the park early in the morning and find another mum of a boy who “just had to get him out to burn off steam”.

28. Your handbag contains your wallet, keys, a change of undies, baby wipes, three toy cars and the rock your toddler found.

29. Your son constantly holds his doodle and after asking if he needs to go to the toilet the answer is “no I just like to hold it”.

30. Standing on Lego, fixing Lego and retrieving Lego from the vacuum cleaner gets more time allocated to it on a daily basis than showering or brushing your teeth.

31. You’ve seen all three Cars movies. 

32. You find feathers, ninja turtles and a flower in your pocket when you get to work because they were the precious things your boys asked you to hold on the way to kindy.

33. You know you will always have his heart, and he yours.