I like to throw my kids’ birthday parties. Big, lavish, over-the-top parties where the cupcakes are picture perfect and everything – from the invites right down to the smallest treat in the party bag – matches a particular theme.
Sure, my kids really would be happy with the dodgiest supermarket cake and a box of Cheezels but I can’t bring myself to deliver anything less than the perfect party. I spend months planning each soiree, much to my husband’s amusement and sometimes, I suspect, to his horror. Like the time I made him wear this skeleton costume for our son’s spooky fourth birthday party!
It’s the pure joy that’s etched on the kids’ faces and in their eyes when they walk into their own little piece of party heaven that make every minute, every detail – and, dare I say, every dollar – worth it. And party poopers be damned, those eyes wouldn’t sparkle nearly so bright if I’d skipped all the frippery and skimped for the supermarket cake!
My two older kids (pictured above in pirate stripes and a princess crown with their birthday cakes at their party last month) have inherited my party gene. The most well-thumbed book in our house isn’t The Hungry Caterpillar – it’s the Australian Women’s Weekly birthday cake book. Closely followed by any other book with “party” in the title.
Last month my six-year-old was invited to a party for a prep classmate at school. “What kind of party is it?” he quizzed the mum as she handed out the nondescript invites to the swarming kids. “It’s just a party,” she replied. “Oh, don’t you know parties are supposed to have a theme,” he shot back. Granted, the invite came a day after his unbelievably amazing pirate party (I’m not bragging, it really was unbelievably amazing!) but it had me thinking for a second that perhaps my parties have gone too far.
It’s not just the spectacular decorations and goody bags that follow a theme for me – I obsess over matching the food too. So over the years we’ve had train-shaped mini pizzas for a Thomas party, spooky finger sandwiches, jack-o-lantern-shaped fairy bread and zombie cupcakes for a spooky party, caramel-filled pirate ships for a pirate party and butterfly fairy bread with butterfly cupcakes for a butterfly-themed party.
We’ve had a racing car party at the local traffic school where every kid got a medal and a children’s farm party where I spent fifty dollars on postage to have farm-themed plates, cups and napkins shipped over from the States because I couldn’t find just the right ones here. Crazy, eh?
Last month, I hand-placed the star-shaped cachous on fifty miniature chocolate crackles for my baby boy’s first birthday. You saw the photo at the top of this post! And that was after staying up to three in the morning to decorate his cake. Clearly, I’m nuts! But oh, how I love a good party!
So, it seems, do retailers. Kids’ parties are big business. There are online party stores selling every kind of favour to suit any kind of theme. I know, I’ve bookmarked them! There are jumping castles and petting zoos and fairy floss machines for hire. There are entertainers who’ll keep the kids amused (I dithered about the cost before hiring a pirate-princess double act for my son and daughter’s joint birthday last month and it was worth every single, expensive cent!). There’s party planners who, for several hundred dollars, will coordinate every last detail for that straight-out-of-a-magazine look like the amazing party scene below that our very own Babyology editor Mandi hosted recently for her youngest daughter, Polly.
What do you think? Have kid’s parties gone too far? Is it wrong to spend hundreds of dollars on a birthday party for a child? What lengths have you gone to in throwing a birthday party for your son or daughter? What would you never, ever do? Please let us know in the comments below.
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We’re a bit divided here at Babyology! Perhaps I’m a party pooper but I’m of the “just an ordinary party” kind – party food, traditional party games and the guests are still leaving with a smile on their face, even though the napkins might not have matched the plates. In fact, I sometimes check out http://www.birthdayswithoutpressure.org just to keep it all in perspective!
Nikki you do look like you throw an awesome party.
For me and mine it is a little over the top. Mainly because even at small scale, I get too anxious about creating the most wonderful party food & party bags that my stress levels affect the rest of the family and that’s no fun for anyone. Unfortunately we don’t have the financial resources to pay someone to stress for me and the kids just love to help me in the kitchen anyway.
Providing the kids can accept all of this with good grace and love and not look down on someone who offers a simple back yard sausage sizzle with a pass the parcel, and noone goes into financial ruin or hospital in the production of the event, I guess it’s ok. Would be more ok if it was offset with some lovely donations to charity, sponsoring a world vision child, or even some helping out at a shelter for those less fortunate so that kids don’t grow up expecting to get lots without giving something back.
(We do expect our kids to use their own pocket money for some of the charity gifts and also only have a party every second year for our kids. The kids still have cake to send to school, and a cake with the family of course in the alternate years. That’s another way for them to appreciate a party is a big deal and expense.)
I’m looking forward to reading other responses.
I’m hoping Nikki will adopt me! I’m slightly terrified of kids parties, but with one turning five next year and another hitting double digits, I see I’m going to have to face the fear!
I am on the same track as Nikki and am so excited to have my girls birthday 6 months apart so I can spend the year planning for either one or the other!
My four-year-old has asked if she can just have a small party in a park next year so I think I might need to do that for the next one, but I am sure I can still make it special :-)
Wow, Nikki, I think it’s wonderful that you can throw such wonderful parties for your children! If you have the time and can afford the expense, then why not? I hope they (and their friends!) appreciate them!
Regarding your question, though, I guess the worry is that it creates a certain standard in your children’s heads: I’m sure you don’t expect other mothers to do the same as you, but do they? It would be awful if they started looking down their noses at other children because their parties aren’t as exciting or as lavish.
As much as I would love to throw a very over the top and themed birthday, I just don’t have the energy…both my kids are a year apart and have their birthdays to match a day apart…so I’m afriad the thought of having two seperate ones (which I know they will want in the older years) as elaborate as this just wouldn’t work for us. For now they are happy with fairy bread, sausage rolls and party pies along with a full load of lollies.
Then again, I know that i will do one of these OTT parties for my two one day…..thats ONE day ONE year. Like when I was a kid. Being 5 was amazing, then 10 for double figures and 18…no need to explain that one! They were the special and more elaborate birthdays for me as a kid, plus the ones I remember
Is doing this every year just setting them up for not appreciating the simpler things…will they go to a party like mine and say “mine had…”or “was better than…” or “I got…” it all better than you so nah nah nah???
Then I wonder, if the one year you don’t have the amazing party, are they going to have a big rant? Will they expect this every year? And does every year have to be bigger and better?
I’m all for a bash and hey, I love attending them cause I didn’t have to do all the preperation or spend the $$$, so I applaud those who do this. I just hope that all kids who have a party and those that attend enjoy themselfs no matter the attraction or expense!
I think I’ve come almost full circle on this one. I used to be an avid non-over-the-topper, then I discovered I loved making silly big cakes.
I still am torn between wanting to be frugal and teach my kids that not every birthday means a big expensive party, and giving them something to remember. I am beginning to relish the planning, effort and satisfaction of it though.
Nikki, I really recognise your passion for this and don’t think for a second that it’s to keep up with the Jones’ or be overtly flashy. It’s clearly something you love and feel strongly about – some people are born entertainers and I think it’s something to relish in another human. How beautiful your sense of fun is – it’s like you as an adult have a direct line to child wonderment and I envy that (in a good way)!
My oldest son is 9 and his birthday choice this year was a weekend at the beach with his best friend invited along. I reckon that you should pull out all the stops for your kids’ parties while they are little, as they will soon grow out of parties, but they will remember them for many years (I still remember all of mine). Having said that, it isn’t necessarily about spending money, all you need is a lot of enthusiasm, imagination and energy to make a really memorable party!
Nikki you are me!
I have a love/hate relationship with every single birthday, baptism, christmas, ANY EXCUSE FOR FOOD FOOD AND MORE FOOD!
I relish in the anxiety of the late night before setup and icing cakes the night before halloween (my daughters birthday) has become a sport!
I am a perfectionsit at the best of times and any excuse to show off my handy work!! hahaha
Got to love an over the top kids party!!!
X
You clearly have the gift of the gab!!I haven’t YET gone to the amazing extremes that you have as my son is only 18 months!But i did go all out with his monkey face birthday cake for his 1st birthday!!I even did a practice cake the week before so i would get it right!I can’t wait till he gets older so i can do a bit more!!
I felt so intimidated by the lavish parties thrown by my daughter’s friends at her childcare (they would NEVER have a party without some kind of theme and performer) that this year I threw two parties – one – the normal one with the sausages and the home made womans weekly castle cake with family and friends, and a second one for the kids from the fancy kindy outsourced to an artists studio where the kids will paint their own canvases. She thinks its fabulous to get two parties, but I feel as if it’s all a bit over the top!
I had looked forward to hosting a party with 5 of my son’s friends and playing the old fashioned games with a simple bag with a few sweets and a slice of birthday cake. However the game has changed since I was a child and the first party we attended was a big shock to the system. I’m not convinced the kids appreciate it although they certainly enjoy it, and most parents seem to be happy with both simple parties and the few over the top extravaganzas.
I have enjoyed planning some themed parties according to the child’s wishes, eg we built a bus from lots of cardboard boxes and drew and painted signposts. I only hope that they remember and appreciate it later on!
Soooo… I think I fall into parties gone too far….
I was inspired by Mandi – your editor’s type photos as well and created not only a party table for the kids but also a breakfast table for the adults.
My son’s party was at the end of August a few months ago and I quickly moved into organising Halloween the following week (yes it does take 8 weeks to work wonders)
My husband also looks at me as if I am crazy.. expecially when he discovered there was a coffee man set up in the garage.. no not coffee for the 3 year olds but for the parents. And yes.. that is why everyone loves my parties.. becuase I think of everyone.
The jumping castle was perfect for entertaining the kids, along wit the pinata – hit the mark with the right age group.
As for a theme… I bought all these pirate themed props – inclusive of this big 40ft beach scene to run down the fence and promised myself I would pull them out every year until he was 21 and just add to them every year. He woudl be famous for his pirate party year after year. But no, this year I was asked not to have a pirate party but a rocket jumping castle and a fire engine (all the things boys adore) and I found myself thinking how am I going to fit a rocket jumping castle, a fire engine and a pirate ship in the back yeard! It was easy really – use the old deocrations for the pirtaes, add the fire engine to the food and pinata and the rocket jumping castle was found after a lengthy google search.
Each kid got a metal bucket with their name on it and I had all sizes of buckets on the table filled with lollies.. some have said it was a Willy Wonker birthday party .. each kid got to pick and choose their own lollies to take home. Was it hard work.. you bet, the best part of two days cooking and cleaning and organising. Simply racking the backyard took a few hours. was it worth it.. to hear my friend (who missed it as she was away) say she heard all about it and next year it is definatley on the map! For my friends who were looking for a park and grumbling to themselves that they should of got a coffee on route due to a sleepless night thanks to their new born and to see their faces when they walked up the driveway to see the coffee man- every cent.
Do I stress that I need to live up to a high level of expectation? Possibly, but I remember as a kid never having a party as my birthday usually falls over Easter and we were usually away. But next year I have made note that not everybody with or without child needs to come. 20 x 3 year old + 10 babies and 50 adults is ALOT of people.. the good thing is the party has an end time and once that comes around, everyone leaves.. itis lovely. Nothing like the parties we used to have prior to having a child.
I love a good party. I just had my eldest daughters 5th birthday, which was a Cupcake themed Afternoon Tea Party. I made everything myself from scratch. If some people think it’s over the top, sometimes there are other reasons for going to so much trouble just for a birthday party. My daughter has Coeliac Disease, so every single party she ever goes to she has to take her own food, her own party favour bag and usually her own cake. It’s pretty sad watching her say with stoicism ‘It’s ok mum, I don’t mind’, when all the other children get lollies as they play party games and when she has to give away the pass the parcel prize because it has gluten in it. Absolutely heart breaking. So when my little girls’ birthday comes around I go all out. I make the entire party gluten free, lolly bags included. So everyone gets the same thing. That’s the most important part for me and for her. Because I would have to buy her birthday cake from a speciality shop it’s cheaper for me to make my own cakes anyway, so I might as well go crazy! This year was a giant cupcake, complete with fondant & butter cream icing with candied hearts to decorate the ‘patty tin’. I guess she’s lucky her mum LOVES to bake! And my gluten free cupcake shaped vanilla cookies were a hit too.
Ooooooooooooooo!!!! I loved this article and the pictures even more!!! I have to say I am with you all the way on this one. Just reading or looking at gorgeous party pics makes my heart beat faster with excitement! I have 2 kids and each year I try to top the party from the year before. I know it’s obsessive and dare i say.. perhaps wasteful but I DONT CARE lol I’m not into the mainstream themes though (that’s where we differ) I prefer more original themes usually based around colours or personalised around what my child is into. For eg my sons 1st bday had a puppet theme (with a professional puppet show of course) and my daughters 2nd will be “pink and red with a carousel twist” theme. I find hiring “big” toys is the best and cheapest way to entertain all the kids as i find the little ones get scared of the jumping castles and get squashed by the older ones. I use tiny tots. Finaly, pleaseee dont buy Supermarket cakes and dont have unmatched plates and cups… makes me cringe! Let’s make some effort people!! Too many pretty things out there.
I thoroughly enjoy arranging parties to the very last detail. Along with holding a birthday party each year for my two daughters, I’m also currently planning the perfect baby shower for a girlfriend. Yes I’m also into every last detail and love linking it all with a theme. However what I have noticed is the adults are the only ones that usually appreciate the extent of my efforts in gettting everything to look perfect. Yes the girls LOVE their cakes but really couldnt have cared less that I’ve used mini milk bottles with stripy straws for their pink lemonade or how pretty the paper pompoms are. They are too busy having a great time playing with their friends. Honestly after attending 15 kindy birthday parties this year, the most successful and fun parties in the kids eyes have been the ones with the simple, classic party games and basic traditional party food without all the extravagance. Much to my disappointment, Im now starting to rethink my OTT’ness and will get back to basics for the next party!
This has always been and will continue to be atopic hotly debated by parents from each end of the opinion spectrum.
Personally I adore the lavish themed parties like you have showcased, just as much as I adore the casual thrown together fun no frills shindig.
I do however disagree about the smiles being brighter at a flash party, unless you are talking about the smiles on the faces of the parents of the birthday.
Just yesterday we had a last minute party for my son’s 7th birthday. All that was involved was a fruit platter, cordial, cake and ice-cream and our swimming pool. You would never convince me they could possibly have had more fun if I had made my husband build a pirate ship and spent 6 month planning and executing the party.
No parent thinks kindly of the kid who always makes statements like “My party was better than this”, or “Where are the real dolphins? I don’t like the blow up kind”. (If you get my drift).
Variety is the spice of life and this too can be applied to kids parties. Lavish sometimes and more casual others.Happy party planning whichever way you choose to go.
Your parties are the type I’d like to go to … unfortunately, you’d probably never get a return invite because I’d be too stressed to invite such a party perfectionist around. I hate planning parties – love going to them – and the thought of spending months planning the perfect party sends me to sleep. zzzz. As amazing as they look – and I really do appreciate it – I’d be happier like another reader to do two parties – the outsourced one for people to please, and the one for friends and their kids who just enjoy our company.
I don’t even have children and I am completely enchanted by this post. I admire your enthusiasm, motivation, and ingenuity. More power to you!
If you have the money, time and inclination, why not. But if it’s all a bit OTT for you, there are plenty of charity organisations out there who would appreciate the same organisational skills and enthusiasm directed into their fundraising events.
I really can’t understand why people think they have to outdo each other every year and through bigger and bigger kids parties! My son turns 3 this coming weekend and is really looking forward to having 3 or 4 little friends over to play and a rocket ship cake made by Mum – no matter how dodgy or lopsided it may end up. When did we become so self absorbed that we push our hang-ups and “want-to-be” desires onto our kids?? They are kids!! Ever noticed how for the first few years of their life, they are more interested in the wrapping paper than the present? Maybe people should step back and look at what they are doing to the next generation. What a great idea to maybe not break the bank on a childs birthday party and make a charitable donation instead.
Elspeth you make some very valid points but I can’t help question what is regarded as the intent of the parents – is every party-loving parent just trying to outdo other parents? I really don’t think so. Just as some parents instill family traditions such as Christmas Eve drinks with friends, Sunday lunch or regular dinner parties, I think largely the party-throwing could be seen as ‘family culture’ – what is regarded as important in one family may not be in another. I think it’s nice to give people the benefit of the doubt here and not assume it’s about oneupmanship :) That said, I am a full advocate of the simple get together with a lopsided cake :) That’s more the thing in our house too :)
Hello,
Never are kids parties over the top! They are the reason to let the child inside you go wild! It can never be gawdy or too bright or too colorful, and at the end of the day – your child will LOVE that you put so much heart and effort into it. It’s not at all about being betetr than the rest of the mummies, it’s about putting all your fun ideas into one big party – and seeing the happy little faces light up! Go for it! :)
FINALLY i’m not the only one who is clearly insane! My sons first birthday party is coming up next month & I have been obsessing over it. Spending hours looking & researching the perfect balloons, Switching my ideas about the loot bags which I have resorted to a wedding style favour & horrifying my husband with statements like oh we need a hot dog station with several condiments! I personally love throwing a good party, I have to say it is not to make myself look good but because I care about my friends and family & want everyone to have the best. In saying that I love going to their parties for a good sausage sizzle and would never turn my nose up at that. I am going to conclude in saying that there is NOTHING wrong with loving a good party, it challenges us, allows our creativity to flow & is fulfilling to know you threw a party you are proud of!
This is all very nice, and I’m sure it’s quite fun to do if you don’t have anything else to do. I firmly believe that the only things kids really care about is having lots of fun with their friends and eating yummy cake and playing some games. This is a case of mummy one-up-manship.
To be honest, I just can’t stomach these lavish parties. I feel the same way about over-the-top weddings too. I guess I am too practical to appreciate these types of events, all I can think about it the tremendous waste of money and resources on one afternoon! Money that could be better spent on a family vacation, or new clothes, or a college fund (or a down payment on a home in the case of weddings!)
On top of that, I think the party really should be about the child and their preferences. I have three of my own and their parties have ranged dramatically over the years. Sometimes they request a night out for pizza and archade games with only two of their closets friends, other times they have wanted to go bowling with all their classmates, sometimes we just host in our home and spend the afternoon making crafts, playing in the yard and eating goodies.
We are pretty lucky because the majority of our friends also host down to earth parties with classic party games and simple cupcakes and snacks. I have to agree with ClassMyth that this new party trend is really more of a way for moms to show off for one another.
I think in no way are you over the top. Life is about making these moments special so when you are much older, you can look back and reflect think yes I put my heart and soul into it. I think it is great that Nikki puts so much effort in.
In no way does that translate to those who don’t do children’s parties at the same scale. The mere fact that you are even throwing a party for your child is a lot of effort and should be admired. It’s just some parents go beyond the usual.