If I had known how difficult it would be to post a letter or make myself a sandwich when I had a toddler, I probably would have done it more before I gave birth. Like every day.
In fact, sometimes I daydream about being alone, just so I can get boring errands done efficiently.
Here are 7 things that are made excruciatingly tricky when you have a toddler around
1. Talking on Skype
Whether it’s skyping Grandparents in another state or a friend overseas, toddlers and Skype simply do not mix. The pixelated view of a loved one’s head is barely enough to capture their attention longer than the first quick hello, and if there’s a sound delay or the picture freezes, you’d better just forget it! #aintnobodygottimeforthat
2. Taking a photo
Ever wanted to feel like an idiot in public? Just trying taking a photo with your toddler in it, and coaxing them to smile. It will end up something like this.
3. Popping to the shops for ‘2 things’
Just want milk and bread? You don’t stand a chance. Popping anywhere quickly with a toddler in tow is near impossible, but being lugged into a supermarket seems to bring out a unique kind of wild energy in them. Running madly down the aisles, right into the path of an elderly woman with a trolley (you’ve never sprinted so fast!) or pulling all the packets off the shelves, will mean you’ll be chasing them the whole time. You’ll literally just go into the supermarket to run laps and walk out empty-handed. Just make sure you’re wearing your FitBit and it won’t be a complete waste of time!
4. Making lunch
Having a little ‘helper’ while you make a meal is fun and everything, but often results in the mysterious disappearance of food at an alarming rate (how can they fit that much food in their mouths anyway?). A classic example is when I’m making sandwiches, and every time I put a slice of cheese on the bread, it gets pinched by small hands as fast as I can replace it. (Not mentioning any names!)
5. Being on hold with Centrelink
Spending 2.5 hours on hold with your local government department is hands-down the worst way to spend a morning, but add a hypo, cabin-feverish toddler into the mix, and it’s a death sentence. If you’ve got a speakerphone option, you at least don’t need a phone glued to your ear. The worst part about it is having to do quiet activities, stay inside all morning, or getting interrupted by a screaming child just as the operator answers. I would seriously hire an assistant every time I need to call Centrelink, just to wait on the call for me, and then keep my toddler entertained when I need to answer.
6. Leaving the house
You know the drill: no longer can you simply grab your handbag, keys and head out. Now you need to double check you have the nappy bag (with nappies stocked), a water or milk bottle, spare clothes, a hat, sunscreen, books, small toys and toddler shoes (because they never want to wear them out the door!).
Then just your child is perfectly dressed and you’re walking out the door running late to your appointment, you’ll inevitably smell a dirty nappy and it’s time to peel off all those layers and change the nappy in under 20 seconds like a nappy-changing ninja.
7. Getting your car repaired
You know how awesome it used to be when the smash repairer offered you a replacement car for a few days? Now that involves not only taking a car-obsessed toddler to a fascinating place where they could easily hurt themselves and do serious damage to expensive machinery (and give mum constant heart attacks!) but also means you’ll have to remove the car seat and transfer it to the new vehicle (where a different anchor point will more than likely make your attempts futile).
What simple, everyday tasks are frustratingly impossible for you with a toddler?