This poor mum’s hysterical account of her first yoga class is going viral and for good reason – we’ve ALL been there.
Getting back in shape
Pregnancy and child birth can create a hell of a lot of body changes for women, something blogger Laura Mazza from Mum on the Run knows all too well. After having her two kids she now suffers from abdominal muscle separation (also known as diastasis recti where the stomach sticks out like a cone) and her physiotherapist advised she try a yoga class to help encourage them back together.
Laura had never been to a yoga class before and was naturally a little unsure but decided it was worth a shot in an attempt to get fitter. But she didn’t realise she had just set the wheels in motion for one of the most embarrassing experiences of her life. Thankfully she was feeling brave enough to share her yoga disaster on Facebook; instantly striking a chord with mums everywhere.
I'd like to say I'm making this story up, but alas no. This actually happened tonight. This is long so bare with me. I…
“No time for g-strings here”
For someone who’s never done a yoga class before, Laura certainly seemed to own a lot of yoga pants! The mum also had her range of trusty nana knickers, selecting the least scrunched up pair from being slept in, yanked them “up nice and high” and threw on a clean top. “I was wearing my regular nana jocks. No time for g strings here,” writes the funny mum. At least she was off to a good start with her outfit.
This was serious – not casual – yoga
Laura arrived to a room cloaked in darkness except for the candles that were scattered everywhere, Laura soon realised this was definitely not just a beginners yoga stretching class.
“Everyone’s taking off their socks and I’m thinking, oh lord, my toes are hairy and I didn’t shave them, I only dry shaved my ankles in case my pants ride up,” she writes.
What mum can’t relate to this?!
She continues: “So I’m looking out at all these slender women with their nice tight yoga pants, and mine with the 80’s flare at the bottom. They all take off their socks to reveal manicured toes and here I am with my Froddo feet, trying to hide in the corner so I don’t have to talk about my personal life.”
“IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?”
Things got off to a rocky start when the slinky guru instructor attempted to introduce Laura (who failed to say her name initially and ended up mumbling on about her muscle separation). The class then got underway and surprisingly the mum found herself loving the first few poses.
“I totally love yoga. I am a yoga girl!! Look at me so fit right now,” she thought at the time.
Then came the downward dog… unfortunately Laura has also been experiencing Irritable Bowl Syndrome (IBS), resulting in some really bad gas. It was at this point that she felt her guts start to churn and she, umm, lost control.
“I farted. I farted at yoga. I’m a walking cliche. My pelvic floor has failed me.”
Luckily the farts were silent, but unfortunately they were deadly and didn’t remain unnoticed for long.
“The smell hits me like a punch to the nose. I died inside and now I officially smell like something has also died inside… IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? Not only do I look like a slob but now I stink too.”
From bad to worse
Collecting herself, Laura decided to get over it and continue with the class. But then the instructor came around to help with a position. NOOOO! She was pushing Mazza’s back lower when suddenly the mum let rip in a massive way.
“OH MY GOD. Sweet baby Jesus. What just happened. I’m dreaming. Surely. I’m in a nightmare,” writes Laura in her Facebook post.
Tears in her eyes and a flushed face she pushed her mat to the side, grabbed her stuff and got the hell out of there. Before exiting completely she turned around to see the shocked faces of the class and the yoga teacher bowing her head towards her with a “namaste.”
F### muscle separation
Who needs yoga when you can have a McDonald’s sundae? After blowing off the class (literally) it was straight to the golden arches for this embarrassed mum, who has decided she’s never going back to yoga again because “f### muscle separation.”
Baaaahaaaahaa! We love Laura’s story! Have you ever had an embarrassing post-baby body moment?