When US mum Lynn Heinrich got a little bit pranky with her Elf on the Shelf gag, her little boy Miles returned serve in a terrifyingly ingenious, innocently insulting and messily strategic way!
Lynn makes her move
It all began when Lynn thought she’d get a little bit creative with her Elf on the Shelf move.
Lynn figured she’d poke some ‘gentle’ fun at the whole thing, hatching a naughty deed and pinning the mischief on her son Miles.
“Last night I did my motherly duty of moving the damn elf. So I was feeling creative and I got shaving cream and sprayed it all over the bathroom mirror and filled one of the two sinks with shaving cream and left a little note that said, “Miles did it” and Angel the elf was holding the pencil and had his arm around the shaving cream.”
“Ha-ha-ha-ha,” Lynn may have chortled to herself as she drifted off to sleep that night. It seems the sleep was the SLUMBER OF FOOLS.
Miles returns serve
“Well here is where it all went to s***!” Lynn explains (a little understated-ly, if you ask us!)
Miles – a true Elf on the Shelf believer – completely freaked out when he saw the mischief-slash-shaving-cream prank.
“Miles woke up before me and went to the bathroom and apparently got scared s***less that he was going to be in so much trouble that he needed to cover his tracks.”
Miles’ sought to avoid making the naughty list this late in the game.
We feel you Miles, we do… #Nice
Miles IS the master
“Soooo my son, apple of my eye, the monster I was on bed rest for 5 months for, that I went through 21 hours of labor for and took 3 hours to push his huge ass head out, well he decides to frame the elf. So he gets a magic marker, black to be exact and draws squiggly lines all over my bathroom walls. Yes you read that s*** right.”
This is where things got decidedly freaky.
“(Miles) then writes a note with the said marker saying, ‘You are ugly Lynn’ and then the mastermind puts the marker on the elf.”
Lynn was part-terrified, as she recounted Miles’ modus operandi, and part-inspired.
“I have to give him credit there, he is smarter than some of the dumb asses on Snapped or I Almost Got Away With It. Kind of scary if I think about that.”
Lynn was a little emotional when she posted all this to Facebook for the world to see. She might have been a tiny bit out of her mind, even, saying things she really did not mean. (We would do the same, if an elf called us ‘ugly’, for the record.)
“So now because of this Mother F%^$%$& elf I have to paint my bathroom again. I mean how can I yell at him without telling him I know he did it b/c I did the shaving cream.”
Good point Lynn. Good point. We probably would have yelled, but a spicy Facebook vent is a viable alternative.
Lynn was pretty keen to let the Elf on the Shelf folk now that she – along with countless other parents – has had it up to HERE with their Christmas shenanigans.
“Whomever the friggin genius was that came up with Elf on a Shelf, you’re an a****** and I hope the elf murders you in your sleep! #ElfOnAShelfFail“
Homicidal crimes seem to be Lynn’s theme.
Happily, a less incensed Lynn updated her post later, to say that thanks to the high-gloss paint and oil-based marker
the elf Miles used, the “squiggly lines” disappeared as quickly as her morning-after enthusiasm about the shaving-cream gag.
“No painting was required. Apparently when you use a high gloss paint its so damn shiny and oily that the marker wipes right off with some soap and water!”
Meanwhile, thousands of Elf-on-the-Shelf-weary parents from across the globe have liked and shared Lynn’s status, a small act of resistance during a taxing festive season.
May you avoid elf murders and be completely non-ugly!